Impact009.com

Note:  This page occasionally receives random updates as my perception changes, so grammatical issues may be ubiquitous.

Most people’s first impressions of me stem from rumors.  Whereas you would generally have heard about a person, I think most people have a nearly-complete shell for me to fit into before they even meet me, and many still try to fit me into it years later.  If I were to combine everything that people still think of me, then I’d be a gay, genius, Asian kid who’s an asshole that hacked the FBI (therefore I can supposedly hack anything) and is amazing at video games while not having the mental capacity to assist in dangerous pranks but sexually rapes men and little boys and regularly steals credit cards.  When I deny a lie and I’m smiling, it’s because I find it funny how utterly ridiculous and outrageous some of those claims are, not because I’m lying.  With that said, I know some profiling basics, so don’t look *too* much into whether I’m being honest or not.  Still, some people find me to be a nice and sweet person.  To each their own.

Some people say I’m excessively paranoid.  If this is true, then it’s because there’s no reason for me not to be from personal experiences.  I only hold grudges for a few months; serious grudges may last a few years, but so far I still carry with me all of my regrets.  I always keep tabs on people of “interest” (maliciously or not).  You can call it stalking, but I like to be aware of any possible threat upon my personal safety and socially prepared in amicable situations.

I’m a lazy piece of shit.  This is probably because everything I do as an individual takes excessive planning.  I used to plan my social interactions ahead of time and tried to emulate every possible scenario, unless I was interacting with people that I was very comfortable with.  Humorously, social interactions don’t work out this way for me, and often backfire.   When in a moving vehicle, I prefer to be on the left side to keep my right arm less exposed to danger.  It’s ironic, because I would prefer to keep the left side of my brain over my right.  When walking during the day, I prefer to be under some cover in case some jackass with an airsoft or paintball gun makes me a target.  At night, I prefer to stay away from any corners; I would like more time to react in case a…disadvantageous…situation falls upon me.  Occasionally, while in my room, I will stop what I’m doing to listen and look around very briefly.  It takes me three days to two weeks before I can start playing a video game.  This is because every video game boils down to math and functions in programming.  Occasionally, for some reason I won’t care to plan anything, specifically those, “If I were to die now, then I wouldn’t care,” moments.  I am much more relaxed in a group mindset; I feel safer.  Planning and calculations will rarely happen in my head during group situations.

Yeah it’s easier to just sit at home and not plan my day or anything.  Perhaps that’s why I’m so lethargic too.

My performance generally peaks (not including variables like the time frame since I’ve last done something) when I am not trying to do my best.  When I try to do my best, I will over-analyze too many possible outcomes within a given time frame.  Thus, the situation changes before I can even act.  My thoughts are all over the place, even as I’m typing this page up right now…constantly switching paragraphs mid-thought.  I perform better like this, though external influences will interrupt me.

I normally don’t do homework or study for exams.  They’re a waste of time, because if it’s a subject of interest, then I already absorbed it the first time.  If it’s not a subject of interest, then I have no desire to perform well at that time.  The only exceptions are when my pride interferes, and I feel like I need to perform the best in the class.  This usually only happens when there is no curve to kill.  If there’s a curve to kill, then I get my humor from killing the curve for those who foolishly rely too heavily on it.  There are three grading patterns concerning my academics:

1) I do the majority, if not all of my homework on time and study for about five to fifteen minutes before an exam or a quiz.  This generally leads to nearly perfect (if not perfect or “beyond”) exam, quiz, and homework grades along with nearly perfect class averages.  Mathematics and computer classes generally fall into this category.

2) I don’t do any homework, not even major papers and projects.  If the class is easy, then I won’t be studying at all.  If the class is more difficult, then I’ll repeat my habit of studying for approximately five to fifteen minutes before an exam or a quiz.  This leads to what previous professors and instructors call an “enigmatic” pattern where I can destroy the curve without doing any actual work.  This usually leads to barely-passing class averages, and occasionally a B.  The majority of my classes fall into this category.  One of the sayings that followed me throughout high school was, “To think that James Bond is barely passing by the skin of his teeth…”  (The highest exam score out of all of the Chemistry classes would receive a James Bond artwork book.  Eric Botello really wanted it, so after Mr. Grant gave me the book, I gave it to Eric).

3) I don’t care about the class at all.  I don’t do any homework, and will constantly sleep during quizzes and tests.  Somehow these class averages tend to be single-digit, or right under passing.  There’s never a median, just one of those two extremes.  Anything right-brain dominant falls into this category.

People think I’m a genius or very smart, but I don’t think so.  I feel that I’m only academically gifted.  I stopped developing my visual creativeness at an early age due to the time constraints introduced by school programs, and I have no musical adeptness.  I do not create, nor do I refine.  Rather, I’m able to mimic concepts at an above average level.

Asking questions causes disruption and emnity.  I have noticed that people usually assume a selfish, underlying purpose in my questions.  The rest generally give me a condescending response because they feel as though I should’ve already known the answer.  Thus, I dislike rhetorical questions.  Whenever people ask me how I learned to do something, the answer is usually because I researched and learned “on my own.”  It’s the same as asking somebody who was willing enough to take the initiative and put the answer out there before I even asked.  If you’re going to be a dick, then tell me so we don’t waste time and I can more quickly go find out on my own.

I have too much time on my hands, but I almost never have enough time to do anything.  There will be times when I have absolutely nothing to do.  If I ever receive requests or have activities, then they will all come in bursts.  I would like life to be more evenly spread, but it will never happen that way.

When pushed far enough, I will retaliate.  When pushed farther, I gain the desire to hurt the wrongful party very, very badly, often beyond the physical aspect.  My complete lack of discrimination between the genders covers both sides of the coin.  I’m very careful not to burn bridges, but a person to can and will push me so far must be dealt with immediately, lest I regret in the future.

Most importantly:  My life has always been a chain of random, lucky events, no matter how much of it I try to manipulate.  I generally take life very seriously and cherish every moment of it, especially in light of recent events.