1 00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,659 [male narrator] It's an important and popular fact 2 00:00:33,743 --> 00:00:37,663 that things are not always what they seem. 3 00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:41,542 For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed 4 00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:45,212 that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, 5 00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:47,965 instead of the third most intelligent. 6 00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:52,553 The second most intelligent creatures were dolphins, who, curiously enough, 7 00:00:52,637 --> 00:00:56,557 had long known of the impending destruction of the planet Earth. 8 00:00:56,641 --> 00:00:58,976 They'd made many attempts to alert mankind, 9 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:02,063 but most of their communications were misinterpreted 10 00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:05,650 as amusing attempts to punch footballs or whistle for tidbits. 11 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:10,196 So they eventually decided they would leave Earth by their own means. 12 00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:13,491 The last ever dolphin message was misinterpreted 13 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,827 as a sophisticated attempt to do a backward somersault 14 00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:19,956 through a hoop, whistling The Star-Spangled Banner. 15 00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:21,791 In fact, the message was this: 16 00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:24,794 - [bell rings] - "So long and thanks for all the fish." 17 00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:28,339 [Up tempo drum intro to big band number] 18 00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:53,489 [male chorus] ♪ So long and thanks for all the fish 19 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,616 ♪ So sad that it should come to this 20 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:59,829 ♪ We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear 21 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,956 ♪ You may not share our intellect 22 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:04,166 ♪ Which might explain your disrespect 23 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:08,337 ♪ For all the natural wonders that grow around you 24 00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:12,717 ♪ So long, so long and thanks for all the fish 25 00:02:14,885 --> 00:02:16,804 [female chorus] ♪ Your world's about to be destroyed 26 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,015 ♪ There's no point getting all annoyed 27 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:23,561 ♪ Lie back and let the planet dissolve around you 28 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,563 [male chorus] ♪ Despite those nets of tuna fleets 29 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,648 ♪ We thought that most of you were sweet 30 00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:29,358 ♪ Especially tiny tots 31 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,819 ♪ And your pregnant women 32 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,071 ♪ So long, so long so long, so long, so long 33 00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:36,032 [female chorus] ♪ So long, so long 34 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:40,411 [whole chorus] ♪ So long, so long and thanks for all the fish 35 00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:46,959 [girl solo] ♪ If I had just one last wish 36 00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:51,130 ♪ I would like a tasty fish 37 00:02:51,213 --> 00:02:55,509 [woman solo] ♪ If we could just change one thing 38 00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:59,764 ♪ We would all have learned to sing 39 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:03,976 [full chorus] ♪ Come one and all 40 00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:08,355 ♪ Man and mammal 41 00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:11,650 ♪ Side by side 42 00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:17,740 ♪ In life's great gene pool 43 00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:39,011 [male chorus] ♪ So long, so long, so long 44 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,971 [female chorus] ♪ So long, so long 45 00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:47,061 [whole chorus] ♪ So long, so long and thanks for all the fish ♪ 46 00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:59,573 [cock crows] 47 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:05,079 [male narrator] The extraordinary story of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 48 00:04:05,162 --> 00:04:06,831 begins very simply. 49 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,834 It begins with a man. 50 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:18,843 Ooh! 51 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,845 An Earthman, to be precise, 52 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,513 who no more knows his destiny 53 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:26,100 than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company. 54 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,310 [buzz] 55 00:04:28,394 --> 00:04:31,188 His name is Arthur Dent. 56 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:34,567 He is a five-foot-eight-inch-tall ape descendant 57 00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:38,696 and someone is trying to drive a bypass through his house. 58 00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:46,120 What do I want you to do about it? Find him 59 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:50,207 and tell him I'm currently lying flat on my back in front of... 60 00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:51,584 Fine, I'll hold. 61 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:54,378 You can't lie in front of the bulldozers forever. 62 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,589 I'm game. We'll see who rusts first. 63 00:04:56,714 --> 00:05:00,009 This bypass has got to be built and it is going to be built. 64 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:04,138 - Why has it got to be built? - It's a bypass. 65 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:08,767 You've got to build bypasses. Besides, you should've protested months ago. 66 00:05:08,893 --> 00:05:12,271 The plans have been on display at the planning office for a year. 67 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:15,065 On display? I had to go down to a cellar. 68 00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:20,446 Mr. Dent, have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer 69 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,990 if I just let it roll straight over you? 70 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:27,244 - How much? - None at all. 71 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:30,080 [narrator] By a strange coincidence, none at all 72 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:33,918 is exactly how much suspicion the ape-descendant Arthur had 73 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:35,753 that one of his closest friends 74 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:39,548 was not descended from an ape, but was, in fact, from a small planet 75 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,927 somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse. 76 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:46,263 Arthur! Arthur! 77 00:05:46,305 --> 00:05:48,140 - [Arthur] Ford! - Yes? 78 00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:49,683 Here. 79 00:05:49,767 --> 00:05:51,143 Ah, there you are! 80 00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:53,020 [Ford] Eat, drink. We gotta talk. 81 00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:56,357 Now's not the best time. They're going to demolish my home. 82 00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:00,819 Whoa! You already... You already know? How? 83 00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:02,821 What do you m...? 84 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:07,701 Oh, they, they? When you say "they" you mean they? Got it. 85 00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:12,456 Listen. I got somethin' important I gotta tell you. Right now. 86 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:15,000 Well, what about my house? 87 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:25,010 [Ford] Workers of the Earth, I bring good tidings of peanuts and beer! 88 00:06:25,094 --> 00:06:27,805 [workers' excited chatter] 89 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,439 - Good. Let's go to the pub. - Huh? 90 00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:40,484 They won't demolish it until they've finished the beers. 91 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,987 - Can we trust 'em? - To the end of the Earth. 92 00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:45,447 - How far's that? - About 12 minutes away. 93 00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:46,574 Huh? 94 00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:50,659 Barman, six pints of bitter and quickly. The world's about to end. 95 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,663 Six pints coming up. 96 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:56,417 [Ford] Keep the change. You got about ten minutes to spend it. 97 00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:59,837 Three pints each? At lunchtime? 98 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:05,134 [loud gulping] 99 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:11,432 Sorry. Ah. Time is an illusion. 100 00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:13,684 Lunchtime, doubly so. 101 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:17,563 And eat those peanuts because you'll need the salt. 102 00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,316 - Look, what is going on, Ford? - Arthur... 103 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:25,946 What if I told you I really wasn't from Guildford? 104 00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:30,409 I was from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse? 105 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,619 Is that something you're likely to say? 106 00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,038 Remember when we met? 107 00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:39,335 - [Ford mimics car] - [car horn] 108 00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:42,212 [Arthur] Out the way! 109 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:46,925 - [Arthur] Oof! - Hi. 110 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:50,012 Wasn't it strange I was trying to shake hands with a car? 111 00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:51,639 I assumed you were drunk. 112 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:55,809 I thought cars were the dominant life form. I was introducing myself. 113 00:07:55,893 --> 00:08:00,356 You saved my life. And now I'm saving yours. Please drink. 114 00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:03,734 It must be Thursday. I could never get the hang of Thursdays. 115 00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:07,237 - If this is about your house... - No, it's not about the house. 116 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:11,116 - [Arthur tuts] - [phone beeps] 117 00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,369 - [Ford] Who's he? - [Arthur] She. She. 118 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,081 Tricia McMillan. We met at a fancy-dress party. 119 00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,584 [Arthur] I hate those kind of parties. 120 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:23,587 I'd rather have stayed at home and ironed my hankies. 121 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,798 - But there I was. - [Tricia] Who are you? 122 00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:27,674 - [Arthur] Oh! - And there she was. 123 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:32,471 - Uh, Dent. Arthur Dent. - Oh, no. I mean, who are you? 124 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:35,766 Oh, the costume? Right. "Livingstone, I presume!" 125 00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:41,313 Yeah, it's not as clever as Darwin, but the best I could do at short notice. 126 00:08:41,397 --> 00:08:43,440 You're the first to get that right. 127 00:08:43,524 --> 00:08:46,318 - [Arthur] Really? - Yes. Everyone calls me Santa. 128 00:08:46,402 --> 00:08:48,946 - Right. - I thought the beagle was a giveaway. 129 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,656 So did I. 130 00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:53,158 People at these parties are drunken idiots. 131 00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:54,660 - What? - [music stops] 132 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:59,123 [Arthur] All these people are idiots! God! 133 00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:01,083 [Tricia laughs] 134 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,918 That's awkward. 135 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,795 [Arthur] Tell me. 136 00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:09,466 She was amazing though, Ford. 137 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,553 Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon. 138 00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:17,266 [Arthur] Uh, without the beard, you look at least 80 years younger. 139 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:20,102 Maybe I'm de-evolving. 140 00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:22,813 [both laugh] 141 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,774 [Arthur] Well, I should tell you that I do not date 142 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:28,569 single-celled organisms, OK? 143 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,490 Let's go somewhere. 144 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:37,703 Yeah. Definitely. Um, where do you have in mind? 145 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:41,749 - Madagascar. - Is that that new club on Dean Street? 146 00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:45,169 No, it's a country off the coast of Africa. 147 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,213 That Madagascar? Why are we waiting here? 148 00:09:48,839 --> 00:09:51,341 - Wait a sec. - [Tricia laughs] 149 00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,010 Go. 150 00:09:56,138 --> 00:10:00,642 God, you're serious. Um, I can't go to Madagascar. 151 00:10:00,726 --> 00:10:03,771 - Why not? - [Arthur] Because, I just, you know... 152 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:05,230 - You're serious? - Yeah. 153 00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:08,984 I want to go somewhere I've never been and I'd like to go with you, so... 154 00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:11,737 ...what do you say, Dr. Livingstone? 155 00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:17,701 I say that's an extraordinary proposition. 156 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,787 I can't go. I mean, I've got a job. 157 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,123 Quit. Get a new one when you come back. 158 00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:25,209 I don't even know your real name. Ow! Ow! 159 00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:28,670 - Tricia McMillan. - Well, Tricia McMillan. 160 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:32,174 Um, I have a proposition for you. 161 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:35,719 Why don't we go somewhere a little closer first, 162 00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:39,181 say Cornwall, 163 00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:43,185 and we'll see how it goes. 164 00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:47,815 Right, of course, Cornwall. 165 00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:50,108 [man] Hey, excuse me. 166 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,819 [squeak] 167 00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,530 Is this guy boring you? 168 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,157 Why don't you talk to me instead? 169 00:10:57,241 --> 00:11:00,536 I'm from a different planet. 170 00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:06,375 It's true. You want to see my spaceship? 171 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,751 [Tricia laughs] 172 00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:11,547 "Do you want to see my spaceship?" What kind of chat-up line is that? 173 00:11:11,630 --> 00:11:14,800 Mm, that does happen. 174 00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:17,845 - Speaking of... - [beeping] 175 00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,222 We've got two minutes. Drink up. 176 00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:22,266 - [rumbling] - That's my house. 177 00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:34,111 People of Earth, a round of drinks, for everyone, on me. 178 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,905 [barman] You really think the world's going to end? 179 00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,490 Yes. 180 00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:43,036 Shouldn't we lie down, or put a paper bag over our heads, or something? 181 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:46,081 - If you like. - Will it help? 182 00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,834 Not at all. See you. 183 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,168 [barman] Last orders. 184 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,837 [workmen shouting] 185 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:57,926 [pants] 186 00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:01,013 [engines whir] 187 00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,812 - [workman 1] What is that? - [workman 2] Run! 188 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,814 [workman 3] Look out! 189 00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:15,652 [shouts and screams] 190 00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:18,071 [rumbling] 191 00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:30,459 [screeching] 192 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,676 Aha! Towel! 193 00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:43,764 Arthur! 194 00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:45,807 What the hell are those things? 195 00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:49,436 [Ford] Yeow! They're ships from a Vogon constructor fleet. 196 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,689 I picked up their signal this morning. You'll need this. 197 00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,107 [whimpers] 198 00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:57,319 - [Arthur] What are you doing? - [Ford] We're hitching a ride. 199 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,447 [feedback] 200 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,157 Um, people of Earth, 201 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:07,704 this is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. 202 00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,331 As you are probably aware, 203 00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:13,043 plans for the development of the outlying regions of the galaxy 204 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:17,673 involve the building of a hyperspace express route through your star system. 205 00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:21,927 And your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. 206 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:23,637 [screaming] 207 00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,893 [sheep bleat] 208 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,479 There's no point acting surprised about it. 209 00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,065 The plans have been on display 210 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:38,902 at your local planning office in Alpha Centauri for 50 Earth years. 211 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,028 [screaming] 212 00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:43,782 If you can't be bothered with local affairs, that's your lookout. 213 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,326 Apathetic bloody planet. 214 00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:49,413 I've no sympathy at all. 215 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,540 [harsh alien speech] 216 00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:53,417 [zapping] 217 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:57,421 [Arthur screams] 218 00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,549 [Arthur screams] 219 00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:30,871 [boom] 220 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:40,023 [narrator] The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 221 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,109 is a wholly remarkable book 222 00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:45,445 Perhaps the most remarkable, certainly the most successful, 223 00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:49,616 ever to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor. 224 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:52,994 More popular than The Celestial Homecare Omnibus, 225 00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:56,873 better selling than 53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity, 226 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,960 and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy 227 00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:03,213 of philosophical blockbusters, Where God Went Wrong, 228 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,799 Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, 229 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,218 and Who Is This God Person Anyway? 230 00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:12,013 It's already supplanted The Encyclopedia Galactica 231 00:16:12,097 --> 00:16:15,058 as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom 232 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,727 for two important reasons. 233 00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,397 First, it's slightly cheaper, 234 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,608 and second, it has the words "Don't Panic" 235 00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:27,195 printed in large, friendly letters on its cover. 236 00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:38,582 So you're not from Guildford? 237 00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:42,794 Which would explain the accent, which I've always wondered about. 238 00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:46,673 Um, you're not an out-of-work actor, 239 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:52,220 but rather a writer for this... this book thing. 240 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,723 - [buzzing] - [Ford] Good, huh? 241 00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,225 I don't feel well. I need a cup of tea. 242 00:16:57,267 --> 00:17:00,687 If I asked where we were, would I regret it? 243 00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:04,024 - [Ford] We're safe for now. - [Arthur] Good. 244 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:07,944 We're in the washroom on one of the ships of the Vogon constructor fleet. 245 00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:11,573 - Oh, get me home, Ford. - Arthur, your home is... 246 00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:16,244 Oh, God, my home. My home was demolished. 247 00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:19,873 [hollow clang] 248 00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,960 You don't remember. 249 00:17:24,085 --> 00:17:27,297 OK, Arthur, I've got something to tell you. 250 00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:30,425 It's unfortunate, but it's true. 251 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,678 Your home planet has been blown up. 252 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:46,358 - Huh, blown up. - [Ford grunts] 253 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,651 [grunts] 254 00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,448 Couldn't you have done something? 255 00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:57,535 I saved your life. OK, that makes us even. 256 00:17:57,661 --> 00:18:01,581 It's a tough galaxy. If you want to survive out here, you've... 257 00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:05,293 ...gotta know where your towel is. 258 00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:07,921 OK, give me a hand over here. 259 00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:14,386 Careful. It's hot. We've gotta get off this ship. 260 00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,554 Before the Vogons find us. 261 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:19,683 Vogons, they hate hitchhikers. Pull. 262 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:23,061 - [Arthur] Huh? - [steam hisses] 263 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,521 [Ford laughs] 264 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,817 - Now we'll get a signal. - What is a Vogon? 265 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,735 Ask the Guide. Say "Vogons". 266 00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:34,572 - [chiming] - Vogons. 267 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:39,786 [Guide] Vogons are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. 268 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:44,207 Not evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. 269 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:47,794 They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers 270 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:51,131 from the Ravenous Bug blatter Beast of Traal without orders 271 00:18:51,214 --> 00:18:53,675 signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, 272 00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:57,053 queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, 273 00:18:57,220 --> 00:19:00,598 lost again and finally buried in soft peat for three months 274 00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:03,518 and recycled as firelighters. 275 00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:09,649 On no account should you allow a Vogon to read poetry to you. 276 00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,192 [screeching] 277 00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:15,905 [Ford] They can't think or imagine. Most can't spell. They just run things. 278 00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:20,577 Hmm? 279 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:22,078 [grunts] 280 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:24,205 And if we don't get a ride soon, 281 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:27,709 we won't need the Guide to tell us how unpleasant the Vogons are. 282 00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:30,128 They've already destroyed a planet today. 283 00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:32,547 That always makes them a little "eeee!" 284 00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:36,259 [unintelligible shouting over loudspeaker] 285 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,596 Ughh! What is that? 286 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,724 - Put this in your ear. - Huh? 287 00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:46,394 [Arthur gibbers] 288 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:50,357 [Vogon] We have unwittingly picked up a couple of hitchhikers. 289 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,109 The fish is translating for you. 290 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:57,238 [Guide] The Babel fish is small, yellow, leech-like, 291 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,659 and probably the oddest thing in the universe. 292 00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:06,206 It feeds on brainwave energy, absorbing unconscious frequencies, 293 00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:08,833 and excreting a matrix of conscious frequencies 294 00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:11,169 to the speech centers of the brain. 295 00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:14,798 The practical upshot of which is that, if you stick one in your ear, 296 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:20,470 you instantly understand anything said to you in any language. 297 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,516 [rumbling, crashing] 298 00:20:28,603 --> 00:20:31,064 Resistance is useless. 299 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,986 - [Arthur] All right. - [Vogon 1] Someone's coming. 300 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,489 [Vogon 2] Here we go. Look lively. 301 00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,659 [door rumbles, crashes] 302 00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:45,745 [Vogon grunts] 303 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:51,668 [Vogons chatter] 304 00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:01,594 [crab] Wheee! 305 00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:04,514 - [Vogon grunts] - [crab squeaks] 306 00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:10,103 - [squeak] - [Vogon] Ha, ha! 307 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,730 [all shriek] 308 00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:14,607 [door clangs] 309 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,486 - [Vogon Jeltz] Hmmm. - [Vogon minion] Sir. 310 00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:21,322 - [Vogon Jeltz] What? - [Vogon minion] Hitchhikers. 311 00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:23,366 [Vogon Jeltz groans] 312 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,995 [bell rings] 313 00:21:27,036 --> 00:21:30,373 [clang] 314 00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:34,669 [whoosh] 315 00:21:34,752 --> 00:21:36,546 [brakes grind] 316 00:21:42,302 --> 00:21:44,387 [feedback] 317 00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:53,229 [Vogon Jeltz groans] 318 00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:56,733 [Ford gibbers] 319 00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,110 [Vogon Jeltz clears throat] 320 00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:03,948 "O freddled gruntbuggly..." 321 00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:06,576 No, really, you don't have to read. 322 00:22:06,701 --> 00:22:09,412 We've put you through enough trouble already. 323 00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:14,626 "...as plerdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee." 324 00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:20,089 [Guide] Vogon poetry is widely accepted as the third worst in the universe. 325 00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:21,174 [groans] 326 00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:24,469 [Guide] The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. 327 00:22:24,552 --> 00:22:28,097 During a recitation by their Poet Master, Grunthos the Flatulent, 328 00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:31,100 of his poem Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty 329 00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:33,770 I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning, 330 00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:37,106 four of his audience died of internal hemorrhaging, 331 00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:40,777 and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council 332 00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,238 survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. 333 00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:48,284 "Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts..." 334 00:22:48,326 --> 00:22:51,287 - [Ford screams weakly] - "...with my blurgle..." 335 00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:55,792 [Guide] The absolute worst poetry was by Paula Millstone Jennings of Sussex. 336 00:22:55,833 --> 00:22:58,378 Luckily, it was destroyed when the Earth was. 337 00:22:58,461 --> 00:23:03,132 "See if I don't." Yeah. 338 00:23:03,258 --> 00:23:05,260 [Vogons chortle] 339 00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:10,723 So, Earthlings, I present you with a choice. 340 00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:13,935 Either die in the vacuum of space, 341 00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:18,815 or tell me what you thought of my poem. 342 00:23:18,898 --> 00:23:20,358 [Vogons chuckle] 343 00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:24,362 A... a... actually, I rather liked it. 344 00:23:24,487 --> 00:23:26,489 - [Jeltz] Hmm? - [Ford] Yeah. 345 00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:29,284 - That's good. Run with it. - Hmm. 346 00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:31,786 Uh, some of the words I didn't understand, 347 00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:35,290 but I found the imagery quite effective. 348 00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:37,500 Continue. 349 00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:41,296 Well, uh, yes, interesting rhythmic devices, 350 00:23:41,337 --> 00:23:43,840 which seemed to counterpoint 351 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,592 the underlying metaphor of the humanity of... 352 00:23:46,676 --> 00:23:49,887 - Vogonity! - Vogonity, sorry. Vogonity... 353 00:23:49,971 --> 00:23:53,308 ...of the poet's soul. 354 00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:55,935 [Vogons murmur] 355 00:23:56,019 --> 00:24:00,148 So what you're saying is, 356 00:24:00,189 --> 00:24:02,817 I write poetry because 357 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:07,322 underneath this mean, callous, heartless exterior, 358 00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:11,367 I just want to be loved? 359 00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,704 [whispers] Yes, yes, yes. 360 00:24:14,746 --> 00:24:17,206 Yes, yes, yeah, please. 361 00:24:17,248 --> 00:24:22,712 Ahh, ooh, ooh, mmm. 362 00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:24,422 Throw them off the ship! 363 00:24:24,547 --> 00:24:27,884 - [Ford] No! No! - Ford. 364 00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:29,469 Ahh! 365 00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:31,846 All right! All right! 366 00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:35,475 Resistance is useless! 367 00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:42,690 Shut up! Get a job! Wash your filthy hands! 368 00:24:42,774 --> 00:24:45,485 Don't panic. Don't panic. 369 00:24:45,568 --> 00:24:48,571 So this is it? 370 00:24:48,613 --> 00:24:51,574 We're going to die? 371 00:24:51,699 --> 00:24:55,286 Yeah, we're gonna die. 372 00:24:55,411 --> 00:24:58,331 No, no, what's this? 373 00:24:58,414 --> 00:25:00,041 What is this? 374 00:25:00,083 --> 00:25:04,420 What's this? This is... nothing. Yeah, we're gonna die. 375 00:25:05,672 --> 00:25:07,465 [Arthur sighs] 376 00:25:07,590 --> 00:25:08,633 [hollow clang] 377 00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:11,511 [Arthur sighs] 378 00:25:11,594 --> 00:25:13,680 - [phone beeps] - [Arthur grunts] 379 00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:17,225 You're sweating. 380 00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:23,481 [Arthur chuckles] 381 00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:27,777 - [Ford] Would you like a hug? - [Arthur] No. 382 00:25:27,860 --> 00:25:31,948 [alarm blaring] 383 00:25:31,989 --> 00:25:35,243 [banging, hissing] 384 00:25:38,621 --> 00:25:39,956 [noises stop] 385 00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:44,876 [Guide] "Space," says the introduction to The Hitchhiker's Guide, 386 00:25:44,961 --> 00:25:47,463 "is big. Really big. 387 00:25:47,505 --> 00:25:52,927 You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is." 388 00:25:52,969 --> 00:25:54,846 A... a... and so on. 389 00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:58,015 It also says that if you hold a lungful of air, 390 00:25:58,141 --> 00:26:03,479 you can survive in the total vacuum of space for about 30 seconds. 391 00:26:03,604 --> 00:26:05,815 But with space being really big and all, 392 00:26:05,898 --> 00:26:08,443 the chances of being picked up within that time 393 00:26:08,484 --> 00:26:10,737 are two to the power of two billion, 394 00:26:10,820 --> 00:26:13,823 79 million, 460 thousand, 395 00:26:13,948 --> 00:26:16,909 347 to one against. 396 00:26:16,993 --> 00:26:18,786 By a staggering coincidence, 397 00:26:18,911 --> 00:26:21,497 it's also the phone number of the Islington flat, 398 00:26:21,622 --> 00:26:23,833 where Arthur went to a fancy dress party 399 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,253 and met a very nice young woman whom he totally blew it with. 400 00:26:28,379 --> 00:26:30,673 [boom] 401 00:26:30,756 --> 00:26:34,802 Though the planet Earth, the Islington flat and telephone 402 00:26:34,844 --> 00:26:40,516 have all now been demolished, Ford and Arthur were, in fact, rescued. 403 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,436 - [Arthur] Ford? - [Ford] Yes. 404 00:26:43,519 --> 00:26:47,607 - [Arthur] I think I'm a sofa. - [Ford] I know how you feel. 405 00:26:47,690 --> 00:26:49,108 [both scream] 406 00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:57,742 So much for the laws of physics. 407 00:26:57,867 --> 00:26:59,702 [woman on TV] And our top story. 408 00:26:59,786 --> 00:27:04,040 The sensational theft of the most coveted ship in the universe, 409 00:27:04,165 --> 00:27:06,083 the starship Heart of Gold. 410 00:27:06,167 --> 00:27:08,711 Stolen at the launch ceremony by none other 411 00:27:08,795 --> 00:27:11,631 than Galactic President Zaphod Beeblebrox. 412 00:27:11,714 --> 00:27:17,011 [Zaphod] In the name of people, freedom, and, uh... democracy, stuff like that, 413 00:27:17,053 --> 00:27:21,182 I hereby kidnap myself and I'm taking the ship with me. Whoo! 414 00:27:21,224 --> 00:27:23,267 - Come on! - [crowd gasps] 415 00:27:23,351 --> 00:27:25,811 [TV] Beeblebrox, universally considered 416 00:27:25,895 --> 00:27:28,856 to be the dimmest star in several solar systems, 417 00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:32,610 is most famous for his controversial defeat of Humma Kavula 418 00:27:32,735 --> 00:27:36,697 who claimed many thought they were voting for the worst-dressed being 419 00:27:36,739 --> 00:27:39,742 in the universe contest. 420 00:27:39,867 --> 00:27:40,952 Great. 421 00:27:41,035 --> 00:27:43,913 Kavula is best remembered for his slanderous 422 00:27:44,038 --> 00:27:46,624 "Don't Vote for Stupid!" campaign. 423 00:27:46,707 --> 00:27:50,211 [woman] Put your ego aside. Something important has happened. 424 00:27:50,253 --> 00:27:54,674 If there's anything more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot now. 425 00:27:54,757 --> 00:27:56,467 Come on, I love it. 426 00:27:56,551 --> 00:27:59,595 [TV] Zaphod's just this guy, you know. 427 00:28:01,013 --> 00:28:03,516 Hey, hey, hey, hey. What d'you...? 428 00:28:03,599 --> 00:28:07,895 - I was just watching myself. - We have a couple of hitchhikers. 429 00:28:07,979 --> 00:28:10,565 Hitchhikers? Why'd you pick up hitchhikers? 430 00:28:10,606 --> 00:28:12,525 I didn't. The ship did. 431 00:28:12,608 --> 00:28:14,902 [Zaphod] What? Wh... wh... Say what? 432 00:28:14,944 --> 00:28:19,615 When we engaged the Improbability Drive... The big button. 433 00:28:19,657 --> 00:28:22,493 - [Zaphod] I know. - They were picked up here. 434 00:28:22,577 --> 00:28:26,122 In sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha. Wait. That's where you picked me up. 435 00:28:26,247 --> 00:28:28,165 - On Earth. - That's impossible. 436 00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:31,586 - No, just very improbable. - Listen. I don't have time for this. 437 00:28:31,711 --> 00:28:35,965 We've got the police of half the galaxy after us. We've stopped for hitchhikers. 438 00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:38,426 So ten out of ten for style, but... 439 00:28:38,467 --> 00:28:40,928 ...minus several million for good thinking. 440 00:28:40,970 --> 00:28:44,307 You're too gorgeous, baby, stop it. You drive me crazy. 441 00:28:45,349 --> 00:28:47,727 Don't. I'll send Marvin. 442 00:28:48,978 --> 00:28:50,730 - Marvin. - [whirring] 443 00:28:53,858 --> 00:28:56,819 [Marvin] You ought to know, I'm feeling very depressed. 444 00:28:57,945 --> 00:29:01,282 Well, we have something that should take your mind off things. 445 00:29:01,324 --> 00:29:06,037 [Marvin] It won't work. I have an exceptionally large mind. 446 00:29:06,162 --> 00:29:12,084 Yeah, we know. But we need you to go down to the number two entry bay 447 00:29:12,168 --> 00:29:15,004 and pick up our stowaways and bring them up here. 448 00:29:15,129 --> 00:29:18,424 [Marvin] Just that? I won't enjoy it. 449 00:29:18,507 --> 00:29:21,135 Yeah, well, that's life. 450 00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:25,514 [Marvin] Life? Don't talk to me about life. 451 00:29:34,690 --> 00:29:37,151 - [radio] Commander Kwaltz. - [Kwaltz] Yes. 452 00:29:37,193 --> 00:29:41,530 [radio] We have located the spaceship Heart of Gold and President Beeblebrox. 453 00:29:41,614 --> 00:29:45,826 - Where? - Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha. 454 00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:48,371 Requesting hyperspace clearance. 455 00:29:48,496 --> 00:29:54,418 Hold your position, captain, until clearance is granted. 456 00:29:54,502 --> 00:30:00,216 - Yes, sir. - Get me Vice-President Questular. 457 00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:06,430 Hyperspace permission granted, captain. 458 00:30:06,555 --> 00:30:08,891 [Vogon crewman] Here we go. 459 00:30:08,933 --> 00:30:14,021 - [engines roar] - [Vogons scream] 460 00:30:15,481 --> 00:30:16,816 [whoosh of engines] 461 00:30:19,402 --> 00:30:23,572 [door sighs] 462 00:30:27,618 --> 00:30:30,371 [door sighs] 463 00:30:30,454 --> 00:30:33,207 I think that door just sighed. 464 00:30:33,249 --> 00:30:35,751 [Marvin] Ghastly, isn't it? 465 00:30:35,793 --> 00:30:38,212 All the doors have been programmed 466 00:30:38,254 --> 00:30:41,507 to have a cheerful and sunny disposition. 467 00:30:43,676 --> 00:30:48,472 Anyway, come on. I've been ordered to take you up to the bridge. 468 00:30:50,307 --> 00:30:52,309 Please yourselves. 469 00:30:52,393 --> 00:30:55,604 Here I am, brain the size of a planet, 470 00:30:55,688 --> 00:30:58,274 and they ask me to take you up to the bridge. 471 00:30:58,399 --> 00:31:01,861 Call that job satisfaction? 'Cause I don't. 472 00:31:01,944 --> 00:31:04,947 You can thank the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation 473 00:31:04,989 --> 00:31:06,949 for building robots with G.P.P. 474 00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:11,245 - [Arthur] What's G.P.P.? - [Marvin] Genuine People Personalities. 475 00:31:11,370 --> 00:31:15,791 I'm a personality prototype. You can tell, can't you? 476 00:31:15,833 --> 00:31:18,335 [electronic bleeps] 477 00:31:20,629 --> 00:31:23,466 - [bleeps] - [woman] Arthur? 478 00:31:24,383 --> 00:31:28,971 [Zaphod] Hey, Slim, are you wearing my underwear? 'Cause I'm wearing yours. 479 00:31:29,013 --> 00:31:31,807 And they ain't doing the trick. Come on. All right. 480 00:31:33,893 --> 00:31:37,980 - [door sighs] - [Marvin] Oh, for heaven's sake. 481 00:31:38,063 --> 00:31:40,941 I've brought the aliens. Don't thank me or anything. 482 00:31:40,983 --> 00:31:43,152 [Zaphod] Ah-ha! Ow! 483 00:31:43,235 --> 00:31:45,279 - Freeze! - [Ford squeals] 484 00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:48,908 [Marvin] Freeze? I'm a robot. Not a refrigerator. 485 00:31:48,991 --> 00:31:52,578 - I wasn't talking to you, Giggles. - [Marvin] Oh, why do I bother? 486 00:31:52,661 --> 00:31:54,455 - Zaphod? - Ford! 487 00:31:54,580 --> 00:31:59,001 [Zaphod] Is that you? Ford! Praxibetel Ix! 488 00:31:59,043 --> 00:32:01,086 What the hell are you doing here? 489 00:32:01,170 --> 00:32:04,590 I just stuck out my thumb and here I am. 490 00:32:04,673 --> 00:32:07,510 - [Zaphod] That is so you. - [Ford] Look at you! 491 00:32:07,635 --> 00:32:12,014 President of the Galaxy. I can't believe you beat Humma Kavula. 492 00:32:12,056 --> 00:32:13,724 [Zaphod] You zarkin' frood. 493 00:32:13,808 --> 00:32:18,187 I want you to meet a friend. Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox. 494 00:32:18,312 --> 00:32:19,355 Oh. 495 00:32:19,396 --> 00:32:24,401 President of the Galaxy. This is my cousin. He's a semi-half-brother... 496 00:32:24,485 --> 00:32:28,072 - We share three of the same mothers. - We've met. 497 00:32:28,197 --> 00:32:33,661 [laughs] Have we? I'm sorry. I've got a terrible memory for species. 498 00:32:33,702 --> 00:32:38,040 This is him, Ford. The "would you like to see my spaceship" bloke. 499 00:32:38,124 --> 00:32:39,542 - Hmm. - Yeah. 500 00:32:39,625 --> 00:32:44,880 - Hello, Arthur. - Tricia! 501 00:32:44,964 --> 00:32:47,341 - How you doin'? - Hey, Trillian. 502 00:32:47,424 --> 00:32:51,220 This is my semi-half-brother Ix, I'm sorry, Ford. 503 00:32:51,303 --> 00:32:54,098 - Hi. - Hi. 504 00:32:54,223 --> 00:32:58,227 Um, would you excuse us for a second, please? 505 00:32:58,269 --> 00:33:01,522 You went down on that little planet and didn't call me? 506 00:33:01,564 --> 00:33:04,441 Sorry, I didn't know. I had a galaxy to run. 507 00:33:04,525 --> 00:33:06,819 [Arthur] Hi, Tricia McMillan, right? 508 00:33:06,902 --> 00:33:10,072 I think he called you Trillian. Which of us got the right one? 509 00:33:10,156 --> 00:33:12,700 I shortened it. Something a little more spacey. 510 00:33:12,825 --> 00:33:15,411 Right. I was thinking of changing mine to, 511 00:33:15,452 --> 00:33:17,454 I don't know, Arthoolia. 512 00:33:17,538 --> 00:33:21,584 [laughs] That's a good one. Well, this is weird. 513 00:33:21,667 --> 00:33:25,212 - How'd you get here? - I just stuck out my thumb. 514 00:33:25,254 --> 00:33:28,924 - Right. In your pajamas? - I was in a hurry. 515 00:33:29,049 --> 00:33:31,093 OK. Did you know I was here? 516 00:33:31,176 --> 00:33:33,888 Don't flatter yourself. I've got a spaceman too. 517 00:33:34,013 --> 00:33:36,682 Yeah, that's kinda like the Dingo Shuffle, yeah. 518 00:33:36,765 --> 00:33:38,851 OK, um, look. 519 00:33:38,934 --> 00:33:42,771 I left you at the party. I feel bad, but I was gonna call you when I got back. 520 00:33:42,897 --> 00:33:45,816 Well, there is no going back now, is there? 521 00:33:46,942 --> 00:33:48,527 You do know what happened? 522 00:33:48,611 --> 00:33:51,447 Enough small talk. We're on the run, remember? 523 00:33:51,488 --> 00:33:53,449 Excuse me, we're having a chat. 524 00:33:53,574 --> 00:33:55,993 Well, I think the girl's getting... Boo! 525 00:33:56,118 --> 00:34:01,373 You blew it with her, Earthman, so shut your face or I'll kick you in the zatch. 526 00:34:01,457 --> 00:34:03,083 - You wanna fight? - OK. 527 00:34:03,167 --> 00:34:05,961 - No. No. - I'm just kidding. 528 00:34:06,003 --> 00:34:09,465 I'm a kidder. Let's be friends. Let's connect. You and I. 529 00:34:10,341 --> 00:34:12,301 Didn't see that one coming, did you? 530 00:34:12,343 --> 00:34:15,846 Popped right out of the box. You foxy, yeah! 531 00:34:16,222 --> 00:34:19,433 Teach your pal a lesson, Ford. He's a guest on my ship. 532 00:34:19,558 --> 00:34:21,894 [sings] He's a guest on my ship! 533 00:34:22,895 --> 00:34:24,939 I thought you said you stole it. 534 00:34:25,022 --> 00:34:26,523 [thud] 535 00:34:26,607 --> 00:34:29,485 Stole what? What are we talking about? 536 00:34:29,526 --> 00:34:33,113 - [electronic beeping] - Whoa! That doesn't sound good. 537 00:34:34,448 --> 00:34:37,034 [whoosh] 538 00:34:37,660 --> 00:34:41,038 - Are you OK? - Just fabulous, thanks, Trill. 539 00:34:41,163 --> 00:34:43,916 A little help over here. I'm in over my head. 540 00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:47,378 I'll take care of this. Good Zarquon, do I have to do everything? 541 00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:48,754 [laughing] Yes, I do! 542 00:34:48,837 --> 00:34:51,006 Hey, this is really pretty. 543 00:34:51,090 --> 00:34:53,676 - Don't! - Whoo! They're on our tail. 544 00:34:53,801 --> 00:34:56,136 Fire a gun. Launch a missile. Do some damage! 545 00:34:56,262 --> 00:34:58,305 [engines roar] 546 00:35:05,104 --> 00:35:06,689 Ow! Stop that! Ow! 547 00:35:06,814 --> 00:35:08,857 Just kiddin'. I love it rough. Hit me. 548 00:35:08,899 --> 00:35:11,860 - Uh, computer? - [computer] Hi there. 549 00:35:11,902 --> 00:35:14,029 I'm Eddie, your computer. 550 00:35:14,154 --> 00:35:17,866 I'm pleased to report that it's a fleet of 100 Vogon battle destroyers. 551 00:35:17,950 --> 00:35:20,244 They're sending you a message. 552 00:35:20,327 --> 00:35:22,705 This is Vice-President Questular Rontok. 553 00:35:22,746 --> 00:35:26,208 I am speaking to the kidnapper of the president? 554 00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:27,459 [Zaphod] She digs me. 555 00:35:27,543 --> 00:35:29,753 Surrender the stolen vessel at once 556 00:35:29,878 --> 00:35:35,342 or we will take action as defined and permitted by... 557 00:35:35,384 --> 00:35:39,346 ...section 1-8 of the Galactic Interstellar Space Bylaws... 558 00:35:39,471 --> 00:35:42,850 Zaphod, please come back now. This is ridiculous. 559 00:35:42,891 --> 00:35:45,686 Leap to hyperspace! Come on! 560 00:35:45,769 --> 00:35:48,397 [computer] Sure thing, fella! 561 00:35:48,439 --> 00:35:49,857 [engines fire up] 562 00:35:52,693 --> 00:35:54,903 [whoosh] 563 00:35:54,945 --> 00:35:56,405 No. 564 00:35:56,530 --> 00:36:01,910 Did they have proper hyperspace authorization? 565 00:36:01,994 --> 00:36:05,831 - No, commander. - Oh. 566 00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:11,378 Bring me the request to pursue fugitive forms. 567 00:36:11,420 --> 00:36:14,298 - [messenger] I'm coming, sir. - [footsteps] 568 00:36:15,966 --> 00:36:21,096 [panting] I'm boiling! Oh, oh. Here's the form, sir. 569 00:36:21,764 --> 00:36:26,060 So are you along for the ride or am I just dropping you somewhere? 570 00:36:26,101 --> 00:36:29,480 That depends. Where are you going? 571 00:36:29,563 --> 00:36:31,565 Where am I going? 572 00:36:32,608 --> 00:36:37,112 - You OK? - Yeah. Don't suppose there's any tea. 573 00:36:37,196 --> 00:36:40,282 Yes, there is. Come on. I'll show you the kitchen. 574 00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:44,828 When you see what I'm about to show you, you'll beg me to take you with us. 575 00:36:44,953 --> 00:36:49,333 [Guide] The best drink in existence is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, 576 00:36:49,416 --> 00:36:54,129 the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon 577 00:36:54,213 --> 00:36:56,799 wrapped round a large gold brick. 578 00:36:56,924 --> 00:36:58,926 [both scream] 579 00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:04,473 - Belgium. Hold it one second. - Belgium. 580 00:37:05,432 --> 00:37:08,310 Ape-man, Earth dude, sorry, what's your name again? 581 00:37:08,435 --> 00:37:10,854 - [clears throat] Arthur. - Right. Gorgeous. 582 00:37:10,979 --> 00:37:14,358 No hard feelings, OK? Sorry to hear about your planet... 583 00:37:14,441 --> 00:37:16,235 - Earth. - Yeah. I liked Earth. 584 00:37:16,318 --> 00:37:19,279 Got these boots there. But don't mention it to the girl. 585 00:37:19,363 --> 00:37:23,158 Because if you do... I'll pull your spleen out through your throat. 586 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,161 - All right. Thanks, buddy. - OK. 587 00:37:26,203 --> 00:37:29,248 Good stuff. Like those jammies. 588 00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:35,087 Hey, hey, Zaphod, what's with the two-head thing? 589 00:37:35,838 --> 00:37:39,842 Oh, yeah. Apparently, you can't be president with a whole brain. 590 00:37:39,925 --> 00:37:41,927 It's crazy. 591 00:37:42,010 --> 00:37:44,179 - Oh, so you carved it up? - Yes. 592 00:37:44,221 --> 00:37:48,350 Parts of my personality weren't exactly what you'd call presidential. 593 00:37:48,434 --> 00:37:50,394 You know what I'm talkin' about. 594 00:37:54,064 --> 00:37:56,692 [drinks machine] Your tea is ready. 595 00:38:02,072 --> 00:38:03,282 [gags] 596 00:38:07,452 --> 00:38:08,704 [spits] 597 00:38:08,787 --> 00:38:13,375 I suppose I should've said it resembles tea. [laughs] 598 00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:16,211 So, two heads is what does it for a girl? 599 00:38:16,295 --> 00:38:18,714 I mean, if I'd had two heads, or three... 600 00:38:18,755 --> 00:38:20,883 Or your own spaceship. 601 00:38:22,009 --> 00:38:23,760 Anything else he's got two of? 602 00:38:23,844 --> 00:38:26,346 Come on, Arthur, don't be like that. 603 00:38:26,471 --> 00:38:30,684 What am I supposed to be like? Green? Bleeping? 604 00:38:30,726 --> 00:38:33,562 I can fold my eyelids inside out if you like. 605 00:38:33,604 --> 00:38:37,483 OK, look. Do you see this? 606 00:38:37,566 --> 00:38:41,612 This detects what you're craving and makes it for you. 607 00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:43,947 [machine] Enjoy your doughnut. 608 00:38:47,701 --> 00:38:50,412 - Do you see this? - [buzzing] 609 00:38:52,831 --> 00:38:57,377 This toasts bread 610 00:38:57,419 --> 00:38:59,296 while you're slicing it. 611 00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:05,177 We're on a spaceship, Arthur. In space. 612 00:39:05,260 --> 00:39:08,222 - I told you I wanted to get away. - To Madagascar. 613 00:39:08,263 --> 00:39:12,643 That was... some sort of test. 614 00:39:12,726 --> 00:39:14,478 And I failed. 615 00:39:14,561 --> 00:39:18,106 - How badly does it hurt? - It doesn't feel great. 616 00:39:18,148 --> 00:39:20,234 No, I mean your chin. 617 00:39:20,275 --> 00:39:22,486 - Ah... - I might have an aspirin. 618 00:39:22,569 --> 00:39:23,946 Right. 619 00:39:26,782 --> 00:39:28,825 - [mice squeak] - Hey! 620 00:39:30,619 --> 00:39:35,791 Tricia... Trillian, sorry. There's something I have to tell you. 621 00:39:35,832 --> 00:39:39,127 - Please, don't. - [Zaphod] Showtime, Trill. 622 00:39:45,884 --> 00:39:48,428 I'm going to set up. Buttons aren't toys. 623 00:39:48,512 --> 00:39:50,180 Buttons aren't toys. 624 00:39:50,264 --> 00:39:53,350 Anyway... When I saw what I'm about to show you, 625 00:39:53,433 --> 00:39:58,105 that's when I realized why I had to do what I did to my brain. 626 00:39:58,188 --> 00:40:01,316 I think. It's all a little... 627 00:40:02,150 --> 00:40:03,151 ...shaky. 628 00:40:03,235 --> 00:40:06,154 [whirring] 629 00:40:06,238 --> 00:40:09,366 [Marvin] I've seen it. It's rubbish. 630 00:40:10,325 --> 00:40:12,868 [trumpet fanfare] 631 00:40:12,953 --> 00:40:15,205 [Guide] Many millions of years ago, 632 00:40:15,289 --> 00:40:18,709 a race of hyper-intelligent, pan-dimensional beings 633 00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:22,713 got so fed up with the constant bickering about the meaning of life, 634 00:40:22,796 --> 00:40:25,799 that they commissioned two of their brightest and best 635 00:40:25,882 --> 00:40:29,177 to design and build a stupendous super-computer 636 00:40:29,261 --> 00:40:33,682 to calculate the answer to life, the universe and everything. 637 00:40:33,724 --> 00:40:36,727 0 Deep Thought, 638 00:40:36,852 --> 00:40:41,064 we want you to tell us the answer. 639 00:40:41,189 --> 00:40:43,400 [Deep Thought] The answer to what? 640 00:40:43,525 --> 00:40:48,113 [girl 2] The answer to life, the universe, everything. 641 00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:52,284 [girl 1] We'd really like an answer. Something simple. 642 00:40:52,367 --> 00:40:55,037 [Deep Thought] Hmm, I'd have to think about that. 643 00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:59,875 Return to this place in exactly seven-and-a-half million years. 644 00:41:02,044 --> 00:41:05,756 - [Ford] Is it finished? - No, there's more. They go back. 645 00:41:05,839 --> 00:41:10,927 - Seven-and-a-half million years later? - That's right, they do. 646 00:41:11,053 --> 00:41:16,058 [cheering, trumpets] 647 00:41:27,611 --> 00:41:30,113 Deep Thought, do you have...? 648 00:41:30,197 --> 00:41:34,618 [Deep Thought] An answer for you? Yes, but you're not going to like it. 649 00:41:35,786 --> 00:41:38,872 - It doesn't matter. We must know it. - All right. 650 00:41:38,914 --> 00:41:41,875 The answer to the ultimate question... 651 00:41:41,958 --> 00:41:43,752 [cheering] 652 00:41:43,835 --> 00:41:47,464 ...of life, the universe and everything... 653 00:41:47,547 --> 00:41:49,049 [cheering] 654 00:41:49,132 --> 00:41:50,258 ...is... 655 00:41:50,300 --> 00:41:53,261 [cheering] 656 00:41:57,057 --> 00:41:58,642 ...42. 657 00:41:58,725 --> 00:42:01,436 [man] Yeah? What? 658 00:42:01,561 --> 00:42:04,106 [woman] 42? 659 00:42:04,189 --> 00:42:08,360 [Deep Thought] Yes, I thought it over quite thoroughly. It's 42. 660 00:42:08,443 --> 00:42:11,738 It would've been simpler to have known what the question was. 661 00:42:11,822 --> 00:42:16,702 But it was the question. The ultimate question. Of everything! 662 00:42:16,785 --> 00:42:18,662 That's not a question. 663 00:42:18,787 --> 00:42:22,499 Only when you know the question will you know what the answer means. 664 00:42:22,582 --> 00:42:27,212 - Give us the ultimate question then. - I can't. But there is one who can. 665 00:42:27,295 --> 00:42:31,258 A computer that will calculate the ultimate question. 666 00:42:31,341 --> 00:42:33,969 A computer of such infinite complexity, 667 00:42:34,052 --> 00:42:38,140 that life itself will form part of its operational matrix. 668 00:42:38,265 --> 00:42:42,352 And you yourselves shall take on new, more primitive forms 669 00:42:42,477 --> 00:42:48,191 and go down into the computer to navigate its 10-million-year program. 670 00:42:48,316 --> 00:42:52,028 I shall design this computer for you, and it shall be called... 671 00:42:57,534 --> 00:43:01,121 - That's it? - That's it. 672 00:43:01,163 --> 00:43:05,000 [Ford] You're looking for the ultimate question? You? Why? 673 00:43:05,167 --> 00:43:07,919 [Zaphod] I tried that. Why? 42. Doesn't work. 674 00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:10,881 - Let's get it ready, baby. - Why... 675 00:43:11,006 --> 00:43:14,509 ...do you want to know the ultimate question? 676 00:43:14,593 --> 00:43:17,179 Partly curiosity, partly a sense of adventure, 677 00:43:17,304 --> 00:43:20,682 but, uh, mostly I think it's for the fame and the money. 678 00:43:20,766 --> 00:43:22,934 You're president of the Galaxy. 679 00:43:23,018 --> 00:43:24,853 - [Zaphod] Yes, Arman. - Arthur. 680 00:43:24,936 --> 00:43:27,355 Whatever. Presidential fame is temporary. 681 00:43:27,439 --> 00:43:31,234 I find the question, that's permanent. It sticks. 682 00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:33,862 Plus, everyone thinks you're deep. Win-win. 683 00:43:34,571 --> 00:43:39,284 We just hit that button and bam, we're at Magrathea, I think. 684 00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:42,537 We've hit it twice and we're still not there, but anyway... 685 00:43:42,662 --> 00:43:45,040 - You in? - Always. 686 00:43:45,165 --> 00:43:47,959 - [Zaphod] All right! - [Marvin] Uh, I want to get off. 687 00:43:48,043 --> 00:43:51,505 - Uh, sorry, what exactly are we doing? - This! 688 00:43:51,755 --> 00:43:54,090 [boom] 689 00:43:55,717 --> 00:43:59,429 [Guide] The Infinite Improbability Drive is a wonderful new method 690 00:43:59,513 --> 00:44:02,390 of crossing interstellar distances in a few seconds, 691 00:44:02,432 --> 00:44:05,602 without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace. 692 00:44:05,727 --> 00:44:08,939 As the Improbability Drive reaches infinite improbability, 693 00:44:09,022 --> 00:44:13,068 it passes through every conceivable point in every conceivable universe 694 00:44:13,109 --> 00:44:14,861 almost simultaneously. 695 00:44:14,945 --> 00:44:17,072 So you're never sure where you'll end up 696 00:44:17,113 --> 00:44:19,741 or even what species you'll be when you get there. 697 00:44:19,824 --> 00:44:22,786 It's therefore important to dress accordingly. 698 00:44:22,869 --> 00:44:27,249 The Drive was invented following research into finite improbability 699 00:44:27,374 --> 00:44:29,417 often used to break the ice at parties 700 00:44:29,501 --> 00:44:32,754 by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments 701 00:44:32,838 --> 00:44:34,881 leap one foot to the left 702 00:44:34,923 --> 00:44:37,509 in accordance with the theory of indeterminacy. 703 00:44:37,592 --> 00:44:41,221 Many physicists said they wouldn't stand for that sort of thing, 704 00:44:41,263 --> 00:44:43,390 partly because it debased science, 705 00:44:43,473 --> 00:44:47,435 but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties. 706 00:44:48,395 --> 00:44:50,814 [squeaks, clangs] 707 00:44:50,897 --> 00:44:54,818 [engines rumble] 708 00:44:57,696 --> 00:45:01,157 [Zaphod] Wow, is this gonna happen every time we hit that button? 709 00:45:01,241 --> 00:45:03,118 [Trillian] Very probably, yes. 710 00:45:03,285 --> 00:45:06,246 [Marvin] Ah, I think the Earthman's about to be sick. 711 00:45:06,329 --> 00:45:09,165 [Zaphod] In the trashcan, ape-man. This ship's new. 712 00:45:09,291 --> 00:45:11,918 Aw, come on! 713 00:45:12,002 --> 00:45:14,546 [Trillian] We have normality. 714 00:45:14,629 --> 00:45:16,298 Did it work? Are we there? 715 00:45:18,133 --> 00:45:22,304 Yeah. We're here. Magrathea! 716 00:45:22,387 --> 00:45:24,139 I don't think so. Eddie... 717 00:45:24,222 --> 00:45:26,182 - Ow! - What planet is this? 718 00:45:26,308 --> 00:45:28,101 [Eddie] I'm checking for you. 719 00:45:28,184 --> 00:45:33,189 Did you just pluck one of my hairs? Off my head? 720 00:45:33,982 --> 00:45:36,818 [Eddie] Thank you for waiting. Sorry to disappoint, 721 00:45:36,902 --> 00:45:38,987 but this is not Magrathea. 722 00:45:39,112 --> 00:45:42,866 We are currently in orbit around the planet Viltvodle Six. 723 00:45:42,949 --> 00:45:46,703 - [squelch] - Humma Kavula! 724 00:45:46,786 --> 00:45:51,708 Magrathea's gonna have to wait. I got a score to settle on this planet. 725 00:45:52,542 --> 00:45:56,796 - [engines roar] - [Zaphod] Humma Kavula! 726 00:45:59,716 --> 00:46:03,970 [Guide] In the beginning, the universe was created. 727 00:46:04,054 --> 00:46:08,850 This made a lot of people very angry, and is widely regarded as a bad move. 728 00:46:08,934 --> 00:46:10,894 [crowd shouting] 729 00:46:11,019 --> 00:46:14,272 Many races believed it was created by some sort of god, 730 00:46:14,356 --> 00:46:16,941 though the Jatravartid people of Viltvodle Six 731 00:46:17,025 --> 00:46:21,988 firmly believe that the entire universe was sneezed out of the nose of a being 732 00:46:22,072 --> 00:46:24,866 called the Great Green Arkleseizure. 733 00:46:24,950 --> 00:46:26,618 [Zaphod] Humma Kavula! 734 00:46:26,701 --> 00:46:29,037 [Guide] The Jatravartids, who lived in fear 735 00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:32,624 of the time they called the Coming of the Great White Handkerchief, 736 00:46:32,707 --> 00:46:36,461 were small blue creatures with more than 50 arms each. 737 00:46:36,544 --> 00:46:39,130 They were unique in being the only race in history 738 00:46:39,214 --> 00:46:42,884 to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel. 739 00:46:44,844 --> 00:46:46,846 Mr. President! 740 00:46:46,888 --> 00:46:48,640 Hey, all right. How you doin'? 741 00:46:48,723 --> 00:46:51,393 Hey, what have we here? I love it! 742 00:46:51,476 --> 00:46:54,104 [blasts] 743 00:46:56,272 --> 00:46:58,400 Hey, I love you. Fantastic! 744 00:46:58,441 --> 00:47:01,111 You guys related? Don't go changing. 745 00:47:01,194 --> 00:47:03,279 Arthur, I want a drink. 746 00:47:03,363 --> 00:47:07,534 I think I've been here before. Have I been here before? 747 00:47:11,121 --> 00:47:13,206 [women] Ixxie! 748 00:47:13,289 --> 00:47:16,292 - I've been here before. - [Zaphod] Humma Kavula! 749 00:47:16,376 --> 00:47:18,169 Come on. 750 00:47:18,253 --> 00:47:21,047 Tricia! Tricia, I... 751 00:47:22,966 --> 00:47:24,843 [laughter] 752 00:47:26,010 --> 00:47:28,179 [church choir] ♪ Now we await 753 00:47:28,263 --> 00:47:34,144 ♪ With eager expectation 754 00:47:34,269 --> 00:47:37,188 ♪ Thy handkerchief 755 00:47:37,272 --> 00:47:40,817 ♪ To bring us back to Thee 756 00:47:49,617 --> 00:47:51,453 Hello, Humma. 757 00:47:52,954 --> 00:47:57,333 - [priest] Join us. Sit down. - Good to see you. Thanks. All right. 758 00:47:57,417 --> 00:47:59,544 [Humma] The handkerchief is coming. 759 00:47:59,627 --> 00:48:05,508 Let us pray the Almighty will exhale a breath of compassion on us all. 760 00:48:07,177 --> 00:48:11,139 So that's Humma Kavula. I thought he was just swearing. 761 00:48:11,806 --> 00:48:16,144 We lift our noses, clogged and unblown, 762 00:48:16,227 --> 00:48:18,313 in reverence to you. 763 00:48:20,106 --> 00:48:25,028 Send the handkerchief, 0 Blessed One, so that it may wipe us clean. 764 00:48:25,111 --> 00:48:30,825 We ask this and all things in Thy precious and alliterative name. 765 00:48:30,909 --> 00:48:33,453 [all sneeze] 766 00:48:35,538 --> 00:48:37,665 [all sniffle] 767 00:48:39,751 --> 00:48:41,628 Bless you. 768 00:48:42,045 --> 00:48:44,422 - [door bangs] - [Zaphod] We goin' in here? 769 00:48:44,506 --> 00:48:48,343 All right, I like it. It's big, it's gold, it's fancy. Fancy pants. 770 00:48:48,426 --> 00:48:51,971 [Humma] Zaphod Beeblebrox, our infamous president. 771 00:48:52,055 --> 00:48:54,766 What brings you to our humble planet? 772 00:48:54,849 --> 00:48:57,393 [Zaphod] Oh, I think you know why I'm here. 773 00:48:57,477 --> 00:48:59,020 No, I don't think I do. 774 00:48:59,103 --> 00:49:01,689 I think you think you don't. 775 00:49:01,773 --> 00:49:05,568 But we both know... you do. 776 00:49:05,652 --> 00:49:07,445 Eloquent as always. 777 00:49:07,529 --> 00:49:11,366 Your ability to articulate never ceases to amaze. 778 00:49:11,449 --> 00:49:14,536 [Zaphod] That's funny. During the campaign, Humma, 779 00:49:14,619 --> 00:49:17,038 when you were my opponent running against me, 780 00:49:17,121 --> 00:49:20,041 you said I was stupid. 781 00:49:38,726 --> 00:49:44,190 The election is ancient history, Zaphod, but... 782 00:49:45,608 --> 00:49:47,485 ...if memory serves, you won, 783 00:49:47,569 --> 00:49:50,905 proving that good looks and charm win 784 00:49:50,947 --> 00:49:55,910 over brilliance and the ability to govern. 785 00:50:00,165 --> 00:50:03,418 And, incidentally, you are stupid. 786 00:50:03,501 --> 00:50:06,087 [Arthur] Excuse me, Mr. Humma, sir. 787 00:50:06,170 --> 00:50:10,383 Uh, I just want to say, there's been some sort of terrible mix-up 788 00:50:10,425 --> 00:50:12,802 'cause, actually, he's not with us. 789 00:50:12,927 --> 00:50:15,847 We came to worship you. He followed us and... 790 00:50:15,930 --> 00:50:18,683 He grew, didn't he? He's not that tall. 791 00:50:18,766 --> 00:50:23,771 You didn't come half-way across the galaxy to settle a campaign grudge. 792 00:50:25,273 --> 00:50:27,317 Why are you here? 793 00:50:28,943 --> 00:50:31,613 Of course not, that's... that's ridiculous. 794 00:50:31,654 --> 00:50:37,285 I've been stranded on a strange planet for years. I haven't been avoiding you. 795 00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:40,413 You look great. You're doing well. 796 00:50:40,496 --> 00:50:42,165 You've grown, obviously. 797 00:50:42,290 --> 00:50:46,336 - [Zaphod] Aggh! Oomph! - Wait! We don't know why we're here. 798 00:50:46,461 --> 00:50:50,006 We were trying to get to Magrathea and our ship brought us here. 799 00:50:51,633 --> 00:50:55,094 How very, very improbable. 800 00:50:56,679 --> 00:50:58,932 [squelch] 801 00:51:01,267 --> 00:51:02,435 [electronic buzz] 802 00:51:02,518 --> 00:51:05,355 I kept a few souvenirs from my former life. 803 00:51:05,438 --> 00:51:08,316 Ah, the heady days of space piracy. 804 00:51:09,317 --> 00:51:13,655 But... even an Infinite Improbability Drive 805 00:51:13,696 --> 00:51:16,115 requires coordinates. 806 00:51:16,199 --> 00:51:18,660 Which I happen to have. 807 00:51:18,743 --> 00:51:20,328 - [Zaphod groans] - No, no, no. 808 00:51:20,495 --> 00:51:22,872 You don't get something for nothing, Zaphod. 809 00:51:22,997 --> 00:51:25,625 You must bring me something in return. 810 00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:28,628 - [chuckles] Wh... What? - [Humma] A gun. 811 00:51:28,670 --> 00:51:30,672 - A gun? - A very special gun. 812 00:51:30,755 --> 00:51:34,050 Designed by the greatest computer ever invented. 813 00:51:34,133 --> 00:51:37,095 But the only way to find it is to go to Magrathea. 814 00:51:37,178 --> 00:51:41,683 Fine. I'll get your gun. Just give me the coordinates. 815 00:51:41,724 --> 00:51:44,519 And what will you give me to ensure your return? 816 00:51:45,395 --> 00:51:47,772 My word as president. 817 00:51:49,107 --> 00:51:52,568 No. I need a hostage. 818 00:51:55,113 --> 00:51:56,572 Only... 819 00:51:56,656 --> 00:52:02,287 ...what does Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure? 820 00:52:03,413 --> 00:52:04,914 - [Humma whistles] - [gulp] 821 00:52:04,998 --> 00:52:08,084 - [whistling] - Come on. 822 00:52:08,167 --> 00:52:12,964 [Zaphod chuckles hysterically] Oh, no! 823 00:52:13,047 --> 00:52:15,883 - [Zaphod] Hey, take it easy now. - [electric saw] 824 00:52:15,925 --> 00:52:19,095 No, stop it. Ah! Oh, that kind of tickles. 825 00:52:19,220 --> 00:52:22,765 Two heads are better than one. Double your pleasure. 826 00:52:22,849 --> 00:52:26,644 [Zaphod's second head] It's not fair. You need me! 827 00:52:26,728 --> 00:52:30,940 Come back! Come back! Don't leave me alone. 828 00:52:31,024 --> 00:52:33,943 [Hawaiian hula music] 829 00:52:34,068 --> 00:52:36,070 [Zaphod's second head] Come back! 830 00:52:36,154 --> 00:52:39,949 [Arthur] And I thought I was the only one who considered your boyfriend 831 00:52:40,033 --> 00:52:42,744 a narcissistic moron, but the whole galaxy does. 832 00:52:42,785 --> 00:52:45,621 What about you? "Excuse me, Mr. Humma, sir. 833 00:52:45,705 --> 00:52:50,126 We're not with him. We just came to worship you." Very brave. 834 00:52:50,251 --> 00:52:54,505 - Where the hell is Ford? - [whoosh] 835 00:52:55,631 --> 00:52:57,342 [Vogon] By the left, march. 836 00:52:57,425 --> 00:53:02,764 Left, right, left, right, left, right. 837 00:53:02,805 --> 00:53:07,060 Mr. President, we're here for your protection. 838 00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:10,813 [Vogon Kwaltz] Fire upon the kidnapper! 839 00:53:10,897 --> 00:53:12,273 Hey, come on! 840 00:53:12,357 --> 00:53:14,942 The president is the kidnapper. You'll kill him! 841 00:53:15,777 --> 00:53:16,944 Bang! Bang! 842 00:53:17,028 --> 00:53:18,988 [Arthur] It's locked! 843 00:53:21,908 --> 00:53:24,285 Thank you, darling. I'll be in touch. 844 00:53:25,370 --> 00:53:27,330 [Ford shrieks] 845 00:53:29,540 --> 00:53:32,043 Come on, Zaphod. 846 00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:38,299 - Hey, what did I miss? - What have you been doing? 847 00:53:38,382 --> 00:53:41,886 Field research. So they found where we are? Belgium bummer! 848 00:53:41,969 --> 00:53:44,722 They're shooting at us! What are we going to do? 849 00:53:44,806 --> 00:53:48,142 - [Trillian] I have an idea. - Pushing him out and running away? 850 00:53:48,184 --> 00:53:50,645 [Arthur] What? He's the one they want. 851 00:53:50,728 --> 00:53:53,022 You can't go out there. What are you doing? 852 00:53:54,315 --> 00:53:57,276 - Back off! - [Vogon] What's going on? 853 00:53:58,945 --> 00:54:02,240 I have the president and I will kill him, I swear. 854 00:54:02,323 --> 00:54:06,285 - Could that actually kill him? - I don't think so. 855 00:54:06,369 --> 00:54:08,538 - It's an aerosol can. - Oh. 856 00:54:08,621 --> 00:54:12,166 [Arthur] OK, frightened now, frightened. 857 00:54:12,792 --> 00:54:16,254 - [Zaphod] Hi, little guy. - Get her! 858 00:54:16,337 --> 00:54:19,340 - [Arthur] Zaphod, no, come on! - [Trillian] Arthur! 859 00:54:20,133 --> 00:54:22,969 - [Trillian] Arthur! - Tricia! 860 00:54:23,010 --> 00:54:26,013 - Arthur! - Tricia! Wait! 861 00:54:34,981 --> 00:54:37,525 [Trillian] Arthur! 862 00:54:40,236 --> 00:54:44,157 Resistance is useless! 863 00:54:44,198 --> 00:54:48,411 [engines blasting off] 864 00:54:53,207 --> 00:54:57,003 [Kwaltz] Bring her to Vogsphere for processing, captain. 865 00:54:57,044 --> 00:55:00,506 - [door sighs] - [Zaphod] Circus. Circus! 866 00:55:00,548 --> 00:55:03,217 They got her and it's my fault. We have to go! 867 00:55:03,301 --> 00:55:04,760 [Zaphod] Let's go! 868 00:55:06,721 --> 00:55:10,391 Whoo! Computer, take us to Magrathea! 869 00:55:10,474 --> 00:55:12,935 What? No, no, no. We've got to go after Tricia. 870 00:55:13,019 --> 00:55:14,437 - Who? - Trillian. 871 00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:18,065 They've got Trillian, you stupid half-brained git! 872 00:55:18,149 --> 00:55:21,235 Right, you're coming out! [laughs hysterically] 873 00:55:21,319 --> 00:55:25,239 Computer, we don't want to go to Magrathea, we want to follow the ships. 874 00:55:25,323 --> 00:55:28,993 [computer] I'd love to, but my guidance system has been deactivated. 875 00:55:29,076 --> 00:55:30,203 Oh, come on! 876 00:55:30,286 --> 00:55:32,705 [computer] I'm sorry. It wasn't my fault. 877 00:55:32,788 --> 00:55:34,832 What you doing on this ship? 878 00:55:34,916 --> 00:55:36,542 - Ford? - Marvin. 879 00:55:36,626 --> 00:55:39,045 I've been talking to the ship's computer. 880 00:55:39,128 --> 00:55:40,838 And? 881 00:55:40,922 --> 00:55:42,423 It hates me. 882 00:55:42,798 --> 00:55:45,760 No, uh-uh. Eddie, computer, 883 00:55:45,843 --> 00:55:49,347 is there another way to follow the ships? 884 00:55:49,430 --> 00:55:53,935 [computer] Activating Emergency Escape Pod. It's super-neat and fun to fly! 885 00:55:54,018 --> 00:55:56,270 [Arthur] Ow! 886 00:55:56,354 --> 00:55:57,813 [Marvin] Unbelievable! 887 00:55:57,897 --> 00:56:02,276 [Arthur] I'm in. I'm in. OK, Ford, do you have any idea? 888 00:56:02,401 --> 00:56:03,945 [Ford] We'll press this. 889 00:56:04,028 --> 00:56:06,155 [Arthur] Oh, no, no, no, no. 890 00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:09,242 - [Ford] This button. - OK. Nothing's... OK! 891 00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:12,286 Good man, good man, good man. 892 00:56:12,370 --> 00:56:15,998 - OK, we're wobbling... - You forgot your towel. 893 00:56:16,082 --> 00:56:18,584 [Arthur] Get him off me! I'll kill him! 894 00:56:18,668 --> 00:56:21,212 - OK, Ford, there's a... - [Ford] Is that better? 895 00:56:21,295 --> 00:56:23,297 No, that's worse, that's worse. 896 00:56:23,381 --> 00:56:26,717 - Do what... I don't need that. - OK. 897 00:56:26,801 --> 00:56:29,512 [Arthur] Stop the rocking. Marvin, any ideas? 898 00:56:29,595 --> 00:56:33,224 [Marvin] I have a million ideas. They all point to certain death. 899 00:56:33,307 --> 00:56:34,725 [Arthur] Thanks, Marv. 900 00:56:44,235 --> 00:56:46,362 [distant thunder] 901 00:56:46,487 --> 00:56:51,701 [crab] Ooh, ooh. Eee. Ooh, ooh. 902 00:56:53,661 --> 00:56:56,163 [whine of spaceship plummeting] 903 00:56:56,247 --> 00:56:59,834 - [crash] - [crab] Whoo! 904 00:56:59,917 --> 00:57:01,294 [explosion] 905 00:57:01,377 --> 00:57:04,380 [crab] Wheel Wheel 906 00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:15,057 [crab] Yeah! Yeah! 907 00:57:16,267 --> 00:57:19,645 [coughing] 908 00:57:19,729 --> 00:57:24,859 - Magrathea! - [Ford] No, we're on the Vogon planet. 909 00:57:24,942 --> 00:57:27,570 - Yes, it is. It's Magrathea! - This is Vogsphere. 910 00:57:27,653 --> 00:57:30,823 - Yeah, Magrathea. I know it. - [Ford] No, it's not. 911 00:57:30,906 --> 00:57:34,452 - There is no Magrathea. - Yes, it is. 912 00:57:35,036 --> 00:57:37,747 - What are you doing? - They took my head. 913 00:57:37,872 --> 00:57:40,708 They have these on Arcturan megafreighters. 914 00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:43,294 They use them when they need to concentrate. 915 00:57:43,377 --> 00:57:45,671 - What is it? - It's a thinking cap. 916 00:57:45,713 --> 00:57:48,132 [pulsing] 917 00:57:50,384 --> 00:57:52,553 - [Ford] There you go. - [pulsing stops] 918 00:57:56,557 --> 00:58:00,353 Should give him some zest for about ten minutes or so. 919 00:58:00,394 --> 00:58:04,857 [Marvin] Now I'm feeling much better about our predicament. 920 00:58:04,940 --> 00:58:08,736 [crash] 921 00:58:25,211 --> 00:58:29,340 [Ford] I checked the Guide for how to rescue a prisoner from Vogsphere. 922 00:58:29,423 --> 00:58:32,593 It said don't. I'm assuming you have a better plan. 923 00:58:32,677 --> 00:58:35,221 Well, I kind of had this idea that we could... Ow! 924 00:58:37,264 --> 00:58:39,517 - Did anyone see that? - See what? 925 00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:41,519 - What was it? - [Arthur] Uh... 926 00:58:41,602 --> 00:58:45,940 Nothing, it's, uh, nothing. It's just my imagination. 927 00:58:46,023 --> 00:58:50,277 OK, right. Now, everyone just stop a minute, please, and look at me. 928 00:58:50,361 --> 00:58:55,282 There's... definitely something going on here. 929 00:58:55,324 --> 00:58:59,286 Just... just watch. 930 00:58:59,328 --> 00:59:02,790 Just watch. 931 00:59:04,750 --> 00:59:07,211 OK, I think we... 932 00:59:07,294 --> 00:59:09,380 - Oooh! - Ah-ha! You too! 933 00:59:11,132 --> 00:59:13,467 Yeah, what was that? 934 00:59:13,551 --> 00:59:15,636 I thi... 935 00:59:16,846 --> 00:59:18,848 Zaphod, what do you think? 936 00:59:22,143 --> 00:59:26,856 I think... Ow! Zarquon! What was that? Jeez! 937 00:59:26,981 --> 00:59:30,609 I'd make a suggestion, but you wouldn't listen. 938 00:59:30,693 --> 00:59:33,612 - No one ever does. - [Ford] I have an idea. 939 00:59:33,696 --> 00:59:36,824 Ooh, ooh, ooh, Ford! Kill it! Get rid of it! 940 00:59:45,207 --> 00:59:48,043 OK, don't think. 941 00:59:48,169 --> 00:59:50,671 Nobody think. No ideas. 942 00:59:50,713 --> 00:59:52,882 No theories. No nothing. 943 00:59:56,427 --> 00:59:58,971 [All] Ow! 944 00:59:59,054 --> 01:00:01,682 This is crazy. Trillian is in there somewhere. 945 01:00:01,807 --> 01:00:06,645 - We need an idea to save her. - [Zaphod] I have an ide... 946 01:00:06,687 --> 01:00:08,856 - Ah! Run! - Yeeaaghh! 947 01:00:30,669 --> 01:00:33,464 [Zaphod imitates kung-fu cries] 948 01:00:33,547 --> 01:00:35,883 [Arthur] Ooh! Ah! 949 01:00:36,008 --> 01:00:38,093 [tram bell rings] 950 01:00:38,177 --> 01:00:40,304 [Vogon] You're supposed to stop. 951 01:00:41,889 --> 01:00:44,391 [siren blaring] 952 01:00:49,563 --> 01:00:53,817 OK, so I'm not thinking. Not thinking. No ideas coming. 953 01:00:56,403 --> 01:00:59,782 All right, this isn't an idea that has any merit at all, 954 01:00:59,907 --> 01:01:03,786 but, Marvin, can you give me a hand? 955 01:01:06,247 --> 01:01:08,374 OK, where is she?! 956 01:01:11,335 --> 01:01:14,171 Who, the director of robot arm repair? 957 01:01:15,881 --> 01:01:20,386 Tricia Yggarstuk McMillanus of... Blaard? 958 01:01:20,469 --> 01:01:23,722 No, Tricia Marie McMillan of Earth. 959 01:01:23,806 --> 01:01:25,391 Oh. Right. 960 01:01:25,474 --> 01:01:27,977 [keys clank] 961 01:01:28,060 --> 01:01:30,437 [computer squeaks and squeals] 962 01:01:30,521 --> 01:01:35,401 Sorry, no record of Earth. 963 01:01:35,442 --> 01:01:39,280 Galactic sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha? 964 01:01:39,363 --> 01:01:42,783 - Oh, yes. - [Questular] She's lying. 965 01:01:44,285 --> 01:01:47,621 She's skinny, and she's pretty, and she's lying. 966 01:01:47,788 --> 01:01:51,500 - Mmmm. - [Vogon clerk] Here we are. Earth. 967 01:01:51,584 --> 01:01:54,962 Oh. Um, "destroyed." 968 01:01:55,129 --> 01:01:58,507 Um, do you have a second home planet? 969 01:01:58,591 --> 01:02:02,136 - Destroyed? That's impossible. - That's what it says here. 970 01:02:02,219 --> 01:02:07,391 Says it was destroyed to make way for a hyperspace expressway. 971 01:02:07,474 --> 01:02:10,477 [pulses] 972 01:02:10,644 --> 01:02:13,230 [explosion] 973 01:02:13,314 --> 01:02:18,027 Who in their right mind gives an order to destroy a planet? 974 01:02:20,154 --> 01:02:24,158 - He said the grey building, right? - All the buildings are grey. 975 01:02:24,241 --> 01:02:27,578 "Give me a hand." Ha-ha, very funny. 976 01:02:27,661 --> 01:02:31,165 How am I supposed to drive this pod with one arm? Stupid human. 977 01:02:36,420 --> 01:02:38,756 [Vogon clerk 2] Go back and fill that in. 978 01:02:38,839 --> 01:02:42,176 Then, make sure, when you fill in the facilitating form... 979 01:02:42,259 --> 01:02:47,139 Leave this to me. I'm British. I know how to queue. 980 01:02:47,181 --> 01:02:51,101 [Vogon clerk 2] If you'd fill that form in for me, 981 01:02:51,185 --> 01:02:53,896 and return it as soon as possible. 982 01:02:53,979 --> 01:02:58,359 - Writing implements to your left... - You're president. Can you do anything? 983 01:02:58,442 --> 01:03:03,322 Presidents don't have power. Their job is to draw attention away from it. 984 01:03:05,366 --> 01:03:07,451 Hey, how you doin'? 985 01:03:07,534 --> 01:03:12,247 Hey, it's me, your president! What's goin' on? Thanks for coming. 986 01:03:12,331 --> 01:03:15,167 All right. I know that sponge. All right! 987 01:03:15,250 --> 01:03:17,628 - Next! - President coming through. 988 01:03:17,711 --> 01:03:20,714 How you doin', Pinhead? No, really, it's me. 989 01:03:21,548 --> 01:03:23,384 I love kabuki. Look at that. 990 01:03:23,467 --> 01:03:26,387 - [Arthur] Out the way. - [alien roars] 991 01:03:27,221 --> 01:03:29,515 - Give us a kiss! - [alien squeals] 992 01:03:30,557 --> 01:03:33,477 Hi, I've come about release of a prisoner. 993 01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:37,272 Prisoner release form. 994 01:03:37,356 --> 01:03:38,941 Oh, wha...? 995 01:03:39,024 --> 01:03:41,235 I don't believe you. 996 01:03:41,318 --> 01:03:43,946 These are the orders. 997 01:03:48,409 --> 01:03:49,910 "Love and kisses?!" 998 01:03:49,993 --> 01:03:54,665 Mm. Now, according to the Galactic Penal Code, 999 01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:59,461 the punishment for a presidential kidnapping 1000 01:03:59,545 --> 01:04:03,298 is to be fed to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. 1001 01:04:04,216 --> 01:04:06,176 Good day. 1002 01:04:06,260 --> 01:04:09,012 [Trillian] Ow, get off of me! 1003 01:04:09,096 --> 01:04:12,766 Ow! What the hell is that? 1004 01:04:12,850 --> 01:04:15,352 Ow, no, wait, wait! 1005 01:04:15,436 --> 01:04:19,231 There's been some kind of mistake. Ah! 1006 01:04:20,274 --> 01:04:25,946 - Tick all the boxes on the right. - Right. Got it. 1007 01:04:25,988 --> 01:04:27,990 Not that one! 1008 01:04:28,073 --> 01:04:32,369 [Guide] What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue. 1009 01:04:32,453 --> 01:04:36,832 Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. 1010 01:04:36,915 --> 01:04:40,294 Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, 1011 01:04:40,419 --> 01:04:43,589 which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely, 1012 01:04:43,630 --> 01:04:47,801 consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer. 1013 01:04:47,885 --> 01:04:51,138 [Trillian growls] 1014 01:04:51,221 --> 01:04:54,141 Right, there we go. 1015 01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:56,643 Oh, kidnapping the president. 1016 01:04:56,727 --> 01:05:01,148 Oh, no, she's not eligible for release at this time. 1017 01:05:01,231 --> 01:05:04,401 OK. Right. Look, this is the president. 1018 01:05:04,485 --> 01:05:06,653 - [Vogon] Oh! - OK. See, there? 1019 01:05:06,695 --> 01:05:10,365 He says the kidnapping business was a horrible misunderstanding. 1020 01:05:10,449 --> 01:05:11,992 Oh, yeah. 1021 01:05:12,075 --> 01:05:15,788 [Arthur] She meant nothing by it. He's ordering you to let her go. 1022 01:05:15,871 --> 01:05:20,626 But this isn't a presidential release of prisoner form. 1023 01:05:20,709 --> 01:05:23,921 Those are blue. 1024 01:05:24,004 --> 01:05:28,091 - I'll stay here. - All right. Hold that. OK. Wai... 1025 01:05:28,175 --> 01:05:30,594 - [roars] - [Trillian screams] 1026 01:05:32,721 --> 01:05:36,850 Oh, he's hungry today, [chuckles] 1027 01:05:37,684 --> 01:05:39,228 That's blue. Right. 1028 01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:44,441 - I'm not a journalist. - We're just hanging out. 1029 01:05:44,525 --> 01:05:47,778 OK, this is, uh... it's for Tricia McMillan. 1030 01:05:47,861 --> 01:05:52,157 Tricia McMillan. Mm. OK. 1031 01:05:53,367 --> 01:05:57,538 [minion] Sir, it's a release form. 1032 01:05:57,621 --> 01:05:58,956 Thank you. 1033 01:05:59,039 --> 01:06:02,125 She's free to go. 1034 01:06:02,209 --> 01:06:05,462 - Release her. - [Trillian screams] 1035 01:06:07,089 --> 01:06:10,926 Zaphod's here. Well, then, uh, that's fine then. 1036 01:06:11,051 --> 01:06:13,637 Let's just go and get him. 1037 01:06:21,103 --> 01:06:23,814 Who are we waiting for again? 1038 01:06:27,860 --> 01:06:29,111 No, I'm serious. 1039 01:06:31,822 --> 01:06:34,074 Tricia! 1040 01:06:37,119 --> 01:06:39,705 - Tricia. - [Zaphod] Trill. 1041 01:06:39,788 --> 01:06:42,749 - Hey, come on. - You idiot! 1042 01:06:42,791 --> 01:06:44,835 You signed the order to destroy Earth. 1043 01:06:44,918 --> 01:06:46,753 - He did? - I did? 1044 01:06:46,837 --> 01:06:51,300 Yes. "Love and kisses, Zaphod?" You didn't even read it, did you? 1045 01:06:51,383 --> 01:06:56,179 Honey, I'm president of the Galaxy. I don't get a lot of time for reading. 1046 01:06:58,265 --> 01:07:00,100 An entire planet, my home, 1047 01:07:00,183 --> 01:07:03,312 destroyed because you thought they wanted your autograph. 1048 01:07:03,395 --> 01:07:06,189 - [Zaphod] They framed me! - Are you an idiot? 1049 01:07:06,273 --> 01:07:10,193 - Trillian. - You knew. Why didn't you tell me? 1050 01:07:10,277 --> 01:07:14,364 - He threatened me. - Get a backbone, Arthur. 1051 01:07:14,448 --> 01:07:19,578 Oh, a backbone? What about coming here to rescue you? Thank you. My idea. Oh! 1052 01:07:20,787 --> 01:07:23,832 Stupid! 1053 01:07:27,127 --> 01:07:29,463 - Got your arm. - [Marvin] How considerate. 1054 01:07:29,546 --> 01:07:33,884 Right, then, all those lucky enough to have two arms, hold tight. 1055 01:07:49,316 --> 01:07:53,737 Oh, the president tests my patience. 1056 01:07:53,820 --> 01:07:58,659 This time I shall pursue him myself. Ready my ship. 1057 01:07:58,742 --> 01:08:01,662 Fantastic. At last. 1058 01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:03,789 [whistle sounds] 1059 01:08:06,291 --> 01:08:10,295 Oh. That's one hour for lunch, everybody. 1060 01:08:11,129 --> 01:08:14,591 I think I'll have soup today. 1061 01:08:15,342 --> 01:08:18,845 [Guide] The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on love, 1062 01:08:18,929 --> 01:08:22,349 states that it is far too complicated to define. 1063 01:08:22,432 --> 01:08:26,853 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on love. 1064 01:08:27,020 --> 01:08:29,523 "Avoid, if at all possible." 1065 01:08:29,606 --> 01:08:32,526 Unfortunately, Arthur Dent has never read 1066 01:08:32,609 --> 01:08:35,028 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. 1067 01:08:35,195 --> 01:08:39,157 - Oh, I'm so sorry. - No, come in. 1068 01:08:39,241 --> 01:08:41,535 I... I didn't... 1069 01:08:41,576 --> 01:08:46,123 Um, look, uh... 1070 01:08:46,206 --> 01:08:49,126 Trillian, I just wanted to say, you were right, 1071 01:08:49,209 --> 01:08:54,047 I should've told you, and I understand totally if you're angry with me. 1072 01:08:54,131 --> 01:08:58,552 Um, for what it's worth, I know how you must be feeling... 1073 01:09:00,303 --> 01:09:04,641 - Can you hand me a towel? - Yeah, sure, this... 1074 01:09:06,101 --> 01:09:08,103 Thank you. 1075 01:09:08,186 --> 01:09:11,189 [Arthur] Actually, what I was going to say was... 1076 01:09:12,482 --> 01:09:17,571 ...if I'd said yes to you and gone to Madagascar, 1077 01:09:17,612 --> 01:09:21,491 then neither of us would be here now. 1078 01:09:21,575 --> 01:09:25,370 I just thought that might count for something. 1079 01:09:28,749 --> 01:09:30,625 It doesn't matter. 1080 01:09:31,209 --> 01:09:33,086 [Arthur sighs] 1081 01:09:35,255 --> 01:09:37,382 [door sighs] 1082 01:09:42,387 --> 01:09:44,931 [door sighs] 1083 01:09:53,774 --> 01:09:59,362 All right, computer, take us to... Where are we... where we headed again? 1084 01:09:59,446 --> 01:10:02,908 OK, I'm gonna get you another lemon. 1085 01:10:02,949 --> 01:10:04,951 All right. 1086 01:10:08,538 --> 01:10:11,708 [computer] Engaging Improbability Drive. 1087 01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:15,670 [Ford] No, Zaphod, no. Buttons are not toys. What did you do? 1088 01:10:15,754 --> 01:10:17,631 Magrathean coordinates accepted. 1089 01:10:17,714 --> 01:10:21,550 - [blast off] - [squeaks] 1090 01:10:21,635 --> 01:10:24,721 [blast] 1091 01:10:25,472 --> 01:10:28,100 [computer] It blows my circuits to tell you 1092 01:10:28,141 --> 01:10:31,561 that we're in orbit, at an altitude of 300 miles, 1093 01:10:31,645 --> 01:10:35,315 around the legendary planet of Magrathea. 1094 01:10:35,398 --> 01:10:38,110 Magrathea! Magrathea! 1095 01:10:39,277 --> 01:10:41,780 Magrathea! 1096 01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:45,700 - [sighs] - [Zaphod] Unbelievable. 1097 01:10:49,246 --> 01:10:52,207 [Marvin] Incredible. 1098 01:10:52,290 --> 01:10:54,751 It's even worse than I thought it would be. 1099 01:10:55,961 --> 01:11:00,257 [man] Greetings. This is a recorded announcement as we are all out. 1100 01:11:00,340 --> 01:11:03,802 The Commercial Council of Magrathea thanks you for your visit, 1101 01:11:03,885 --> 01:11:07,264 but regrets that the entire planet is temporarily closed. 1102 01:11:07,347 --> 01:11:11,143 If you'd like to leave your name and a planet where you can be contacted, 1103 01:11:11,226 --> 01:11:13,353 kindly do so at the tone. 1104 01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:18,358 - How can a planet be closed? - Zarkin' A, cousin. 1105 01:11:18,441 --> 01:11:21,862 OK, computer, keep going. Take us down. 1106 01:11:21,987 --> 01:11:23,530 [computer] I'd be happy to. 1107 01:11:23,655 --> 01:11:25,115 [electronic tone] 1108 01:11:25,198 --> 01:11:27,868 [message] It is gratifying that your enthusiasm 1109 01:11:27,951 --> 01:11:30,036 for our planet continues unabated. 1110 01:11:30,370 --> 01:11:32,998 As a token of our appreciation, 1111 01:11:33,081 --> 01:11:36,126 we hope you will enjoy the two thermo-nuclear missiles 1112 01:11:36,209 --> 01:11:39,504 we've just sent to converge with your craft. 1113 01:11:40,213 --> 01:11:42,632 To ensure on-going quality of service, 1114 01:11:42,716 --> 01:11:46,970 your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you. 1115 01:11:47,053 --> 01:11:49,014 [computer] I'm delighted to tell you 1116 01:11:49,097 --> 01:11:51,975 there are two nuclear missiles heading right for us. 1117 01:11:52,058 --> 01:11:55,395 If you don't mind, I'm going to take evasive action. 1118 01:11:55,729 --> 01:11:57,105 [engines whoosh] 1119 01:11:57,230 --> 01:11:59,107 [shouts and cries] 1120 01:11:59,733 --> 01:12:02,944 [computer] Something's jamming my guidance system. 1121 01:12:03,028 --> 01:12:04,988 Impact minus 45 seconds. 1122 01:12:08,742 --> 01:12:10,911 Computer, do something! 1123 01:12:11,077 --> 01:12:15,332 [computer] Sure. Handing over manual control. Good luck. 1124 01:12:17,125 --> 01:12:18,919 [brakes screech] 1125 01:12:19,044 --> 01:12:22,088 [missiles whoosh] 1126 01:12:26,051 --> 01:12:28,762 [Zaphod] I need some help. 1127 01:12:28,887 --> 01:12:31,431 I can't do this without my third arm. 1128 01:12:33,683 --> 01:12:36,478 - [clunk] - Arthur, grab my hand! 1129 01:12:40,690 --> 01:12:43,860 [shouts and groans] 1130 01:12:43,944 --> 01:12:46,780 [engines roar] 1131 01:12:46,947 --> 01:12:50,659 - Did we lose 'em? - No, they're coming right at us. 1132 01:12:53,286 --> 01:12:57,040 - Why don't I just press this? - No, we're not back to normal yet. 1133 01:12:57,123 --> 01:12:59,125 - What will happen? - I don't know. 1134 01:12:59,209 --> 01:13:03,213 Don't do it! We're here. No telling where it'll send us. 1135 01:13:06,675 --> 01:13:08,134 - Sod it all. - No! 1136 01:13:09,261 --> 01:13:12,013 [silence] 1137 01:13:12,138 --> 01:13:15,517 Wow. Where are we? 1138 01:13:17,978 --> 01:13:22,691 Exactly where we were. 1139 01:13:22,816 --> 01:13:24,150 And the missiles? 1140 01:13:25,193 --> 01:13:30,740 Apparently, they've turned... into a bowl of petunias. 1141 01:13:31,366 --> 01:13:34,869 - [clunk] - And a very surprised-looking whale. 1142 01:13:34,953 --> 01:13:37,163 [computer] And an improbability factor 1143 01:13:37,205 --> 01:13:42,502 of 8,767,128 to one against. 1144 01:13:43,420 --> 01:13:46,298 We have norm... normality. 1145 01:13:46,381 --> 01:13:48,842 Normality, right. [coughs] 1146 01:13:48,883 --> 01:13:51,845 We can talk about normality till the cows come home. 1147 01:13:53,013 --> 01:13:56,016 - What is normal? - What's home? 1148 01:13:56,182 --> 01:13:57,851 What are cows? 1149 01:13:59,019 --> 01:14:01,896 A proper cup of tea would restore my normality. 1150 01:14:01,980 --> 01:14:06,234 [Guide] It is important to note that suddenly, and against all probability, 1151 01:14:06,318 --> 01:14:09,195 a sperm whale had been called into existence 1152 01:14:09,279 --> 01:14:13,366 several miles above the surface of an alien planet. 1153 01:14:13,450 --> 01:14:16,328 Since this is not a tenable position for a whale, 1154 01:14:16,369 --> 01:14:21,416 this innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity. 1155 01:14:21,499 --> 01:14:24,085 This is what it thought as it fell: 1156 01:14:24,169 --> 01:14:27,380 Ah, whoa, what's happening? Who am I? 1157 01:14:27,464 --> 01:14:31,092 Why am I here? What's my purpose? What do I mean by "who am I"? 1158 01:14:31,217 --> 01:14:33,386 OK, OK, calm down, get a grip now. 1159 01:14:33,470 --> 01:14:37,557 Ooh, this is an interesting sensation. A sort of tingling in my... 1160 01:14:37,599 --> 01:14:42,687 I better start finding names for things. Let's call it a tail. Yeah, tail. 1161 01:14:42,771 --> 01:14:46,858 What's this roaring sound whooshing past what I'm gonna call my head? 1162 01:14:46,941 --> 01:14:49,069 Wind. Is that a good name? That'll do. 1163 01:14:49,152 --> 01:14:52,405 Yay, this is really exciting. I'm dizzy with anticipation. 1164 01:14:52,489 --> 01:14:55,075 Or is it the wind? There's a lot of that now. 1165 01:14:55,158 --> 01:14:59,245 And what's this thing coming towards me very fast? So big and flat and round. 1166 01:14:59,329 --> 01:15:04,417 It needs a big wide-sounding name like ow, ound, round, ground! 1167 01:15:04,542 --> 01:15:09,089 That's it, ground. I wonder if it will be friends with me. Hello, ground. 1168 01:15:09,172 --> 01:15:11,383 [thud] 1169 01:15:11,466 --> 01:15:15,261 [Guide] The only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias 1170 01:15:15,345 --> 01:15:19,391 as it fell was, "Oh, no, not again!" 1171 01:15:20,600 --> 01:15:26,272 Many have speculated that if we knew why the petunias had thought that, 1172 01:15:26,356 --> 01:15:31,736 we should know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now. 1173 01:15:31,820 --> 01:15:35,990 [wind blows] 1174 01:15:36,074 --> 01:15:38,326 [Arthur] What are those things? 1175 01:15:38,410 --> 01:15:41,788 [Ford] They're portals to another dimension. 1176 01:15:41,871 --> 01:15:46,334 [Arthur] Right. I don't suppose this portal has central heating, does it? 1177 01:15:47,585 --> 01:15:51,631 - [Zaphod mumbles] - [Arthur sighs] 1178 01:15:51,673 --> 01:15:54,175 [Zaphod] Ah, this is the one. 1179 01:15:54,300 --> 01:15:58,763 [Marvin] This will all end in tears, I just know it. 1180 01:16:01,641 --> 01:16:03,810 - Right here. - [machine starts up] 1181 01:16:03,893 --> 01:16:08,106 - Hey! Whoa! - [roaring wind] 1182 01:16:08,189 --> 01:16:10,650 OK, in we go! 1183 01:16:10,733 --> 01:16:15,905 We can't just step into that... that! We don't know where it leads. 1184 01:16:15,989 --> 01:16:18,116 If we pick the wrong one, 1185 01:16:18,199 --> 01:16:21,953 we just... we come back, we pick another one. It's no biggie. 1186 01:16:22,036 --> 01:16:25,665 [Arthur] What? Yeah, it's a big biggie, Ford. A big biggie. 1187 01:16:25,748 --> 01:16:30,753 What if it rips us all into tiny little atomic particle thingies? 1188 01:16:30,837 --> 01:16:34,382 This is the right one. I have a hunch. 1189 01:16:34,466 --> 01:16:38,678 - Ford! - His hunches are good. 1190 01:16:38,761 --> 01:16:41,181 Arthur, I say we go. 1191 01:16:41,264 --> 01:16:47,145 Go with the hunch of a man whose brain is fuelled by lemons?! 1192 01:16:47,187 --> 01:16:48,855 [Arthur] This is suicide! 1193 01:16:48,938 --> 01:16:53,026 - I think I resent that. - [Arthur] I don't care. 1194 01:16:53,067 --> 01:16:55,987 [Zaphod] I'm getting hostility from you, Alex... 1195 01:16:56,029 --> 01:16:59,616 - Arthur! - [Zaphod] Have you ever tried yoga? 1196 01:16:59,699 --> 01:17:00,742 [portal roars] 1197 01:17:00,825 --> 01:17:04,412 - Trillian! - I think that's supposed to happen. 1198 01:17:09,250 --> 01:17:12,670 [high-pitched] She's gone! Ford, she's gone! 1199 01:17:12,754 --> 01:17:15,757 Arthur, don't panic! 1200 01:17:17,467 --> 01:17:21,387 - Ford! - [Zaphod] Hey, wait for me! 1201 01:17:22,138 --> 01:17:24,474 Whoo! 1202 01:17:24,557 --> 01:17:27,435 [Arthur whimpers] 1203 01:17:34,943 --> 01:17:36,736 Come on. 1204 01:17:36,778 --> 01:17:40,281 Idiot! Come on, come on, come on, come on! 1205 01:17:40,365 --> 01:17:42,408 Come on, come on, come on! 1206 01:17:46,538 --> 01:17:48,915 Ahhh! 1207 01:17:49,916 --> 01:17:51,417 [silence] 1208 01:17:52,168 --> 01:17:55,588 [coughs, splutters] 1209 01:17:58,299 --> 01:18:00,426 [groans, grunts] 1210 01:18:03,846 --> 01:18:07,559 No, no, no, don't leave. Come on, come on, just start! 1211 01:18:07,600 --> 01:18:10,770 [Marvin] I told you this would end in tears. 1212 01:18:10,853 --> 01:18:12,939 [Arthur] Did you? Did you? 1213 01:18:15,900 --> 01:18:20,697 [Arthur breathes heavily] 1214 01:18:20,780 --> 01:18:23,950 [Zaphod from above] Geronimo! 1215 01:18:24,075 --> 01:18:26,578 Ooomph! [laughs] 1216 01:18:26,661 --> 01:18:31,165 Far out! Far out! Ha-ha! 1217 01:18:31,249 --> 01:18:35,962 This is it. This is it! Deep Thought. I'm a-coming. 1218 01:18:38,756 --> 01:18:41,467 [Arthur chuckles] 1219 01:18:41,509 --> 01:18:45,096 This is how it's all going to end, is it? 1220 01:18:45,138 --> 01:18:50,101 Me, alone on a dead planet, with a manically depressed robot. 1221 01:18:50,143 --> 01:18:52,645 [Marvin] You think you've got problems. 1222 01:18:52,729 --> 01:18:55,273 What if you are a manically depressed robot? 1223 01:18:55,356 --> 01:18:56,566 [man] Excuse me. 1224 01:18:56,649 --> 01:19:00,612 - [Arthur screaming] - [man] Whoa, whoa. 1225 01:19:03,656 --> 01:19:08,286 - Who are you? - No, uh, my name is not important. 1226 01:19:08,369 --> 01:19:11,956 Uh, you must come with me. 1227 01:19:11,998 --> 01:19:16,294 - Get away. - [man] Terrible events are afoot. 1228 01:19:16,377 --> 01:19:19,922 Um, you... you must come or you'll be late. 1229 01:19:20,006 --> 01:19:22,258 - [Arthur] Late? What for? - What? 1230 01:19:22,342 --> 01:19:27,847 No, no. What's... what's your name, Earthman? 1231 01:19:28,848 --> 01:19:31,225 - Dent. Arthur Dent. - [man] Well, 1232 01:19:31,309 --> 01:19:34,020 late as in "the late Dentarthurdent." 1233 01:19:34,771 --> 01:19:38,691 It's a sort of threat, do you see? No. 1234 01:19:38,775 --> 01:19:41,778 - No. - [man] Your friends are safe. 1235 01:19:41,861 --> 01:19:45,114 - You can trust me. - A man who won't tell me his name? 1236 01:19:45,198 --> 01:19:49,952 OK, my name is, um... 1237 01:19:50,036 --> 01:19:53,956 My name is... is... is... Slartibartfast. 1238 01:19:56,084 --> 01:19:59,212 I... I... I said it wasn't important. 1239 01:20:00,880 --> 01:20:05,051 Well... so my friends are safe? 1240 01:20:05,176 --> 01:20:06,636 Let me show you. 1241 01:20:06,719 --> 01:20:12,600 [Marvin] I could calculate your chances of survival, but you won't like it. 1242 01:20:21,609 --> 01:20:23,361 [clank] 1243 01:20:37,542 --> 01:20:40,336 Did you know we built planets? 1244 01:20:40,420 --> 01:20:44,465 Oh, yes, fascinating trade. 1245 01:20:44,549 --> 01:20:49,262 Doing the, um... doing the coastlines was always my favorite. 1246 01:20:49,303 --> 01:20:54,976 We used to have endless fun doing the little fiddly bits around the fjords. 1247 01:20:55,059 --> 01:21:00,064 But then the galactic economy collapsed, and seeing that custom-built planets 1248 01:21:00,148 --> 01:21:05,695 are a... are a bit of a luxury commodity... 1249 01:21:05,778 --> 01:21:09,615 Come with me because there's been a terrible mix-up with your planet. 1250 01:21:09,699 --> 01:21:11,951 Best laid plans of mice, you know. 1251 01:21:12,076 --> 01:21:15,538 - And men. - What? 1252 01:21:15,621 --> 01:21:17,623 Best laid plans of mice and men. 1253 01:21:17,665 --> 01:21:22,462 [laughs] Yes, well, I don't think men have much to do with it. Here. 1254 01:21:25,006 --> 01:21:27,133 [vibrations] 1255 01:21:37,727 --> 01:21:42,231 - [engine starting up] - [beeps] 1256 01:21:52,950 --> 01:21:54,911 [siren] 1257 01:22:02,460 --> 01:22:05,421 - [explosion] - Um, I must warn you, 1258 01:22:05,505 --> 01:22:09,008 we're going to pass through, well, a sort of gateway thing. 1259 01:22:09,091 --> 01:22:11,344 - Huh? - It may disturb you. 1260 01:22:11,385 --> 01:22:15,181 It scares the willies out of me. 1261 01:22:15,306 --> 01:22:17,308 Aghh! Aghh! 1262 01:22:43,668 --> 01:22:49,507 [Slartibartfast] Ha, ha, ha. Welcome to our factory floor. 1263 01:23:06,357 --> 01:23:09,610 [grunts, groans] 1264 01:23:10,570 --> 01:23:12,405 [Trillian] OK. 1265 01:23:12,446 --> 01:23:15,908 [Zaphod] All right. All right. 1266 01:23:15,992 --> 01:23:18,870 Yeah, this is it. 1267 01:23:21,914 --> 01:23:24,417 This is it. 1268 01:23:24,542 --> 01:23:28,421 0 great Deep Thought! 1269 01:23:28,504 --> 01:23:30,214 We have traveled long... 1270 01:23:32,300 --> 01:23:34,093 ...and far. 1271 01:23:34,176 --> 01:23:39,682 Have you calculated the ultimate question of life, 1272 01:23:39,765 --> 01:23:42,143 the universe and everything? 1273 01:23:42,226 --> 01:23:43,978 [Deep Thought yawns] No. 1274 01:23:44,061 --> 01:23:46,647 - [Zaphod] What? - I've been watching TV. 1275 01:23:46,772 --> 01:23:47,815 Oh. 1276 01:23:47,899 --> 01:23:51,611 I designed another computer to do that. 1277 01:23:51,652 --> 01:23:53,946 Oh, right, I forgot. Is it here? 1278 01:23:54,071 --> 01:23:56,824 No, it's not here. It's another world. 1279 01:23:56,908 --> 01:23:59,076 It's on another world. 1280 01:23:59,160 --> 01:24:02,663 It is another world, stupid. 1281 01:24:02,747 --> 01:24:05,207 Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it 1282 01:24:05,291 --> 01:24:07,627 to make way for a hyperspace expressway. 1283 01:24:07,793 --> 01:24:10,087 Well... OK. 1284 01:24:10,129 --> 01:24:12,256 You sure you don't have the question, 1285 01:24:12,340 --> 01:24:15,885 or a way to, you know, access it or something? 1286 01:24:15,968 --> 01:24:17,929 'Cause I think I've done a lot to get here. 1287 01:24:18,012 --> 01:24:22,475 Oh, shh, shh. The show's back on. 1288 01:24:24,477 --> 01:24:26,687 [hiccup] 1289 01:24:26,812 --> 01:24:30,900 Well, I don't wanna bother you, so I'm gonna... Good stuff. 1290 01:24:30,983 --> 01:24:35,446 Great. I'm gonna go and find something else for my entire life to be about. 1291 01:24:35,488 --> 01:24:38,824 [Ford] Zaphod, Zaphod, there's the... the gun. 1292 01:24:38,866 --> 01:24:41,160 - Gun? - That Humma sent you for. 1293 01:24:41,285 --> 01:24:45,748 - You gave him your head. - Why'd I... why'd I do that? 1294 01:24:45,831 --> 01:24:47,500 - OK. - That's stupid. 1295 01:24:47,625 --> 01:24:52,713 0 Deep Thought, we were told that there is a gun. 1296 01:24:54,382 --> 01:24:57,718 [crashing, rumbling] 1297 01:25:04,308 --> 01:25:06,268 [cart squeals] 1298 01:25:07,520 --> 01:25:09,814 - There you are. - Hm? 1299 01:25:09,855 --> 01:25:11,565 Look familiar? 1300 01:25:11,649 --> 01:25:15,152 [Arthur] So it wasn't destroyed? 1301 01:25:15,194 --> 01:25:19,532 Actually, it was. This is a backup. Earth Mark II. 1302 01:25:22,618 --> 01:25:24,412 So you... you made the Earth? 1303 01:25:24,537 --> 01:25:28,165 [chuckles] Not me alone, but I... I did my part. 1304 01:25:28,249 --> 01:25:31,544 Ever heard of a place, I think it's called Norway? 1305 01:25:31,627 --> 01:25:35,506 That was one of mine. I... I got an award for it. 1306 01:25:36,716 --> 01:25:38,634 [Arthur shrieks] 1307 01:25:39,301 --> 01:25:42,304 [Arthur's shrieks grow louder] 1308 01:25:42,888 --> 01:25:45,099 [Arthur] Oh, hoo! 1309 01:25:45,182 --> 01:25:48,644 [Slartibartfast] All right, Frank? That's... that's Frank. 1310 01:25:49,562 --> 01:25:54,358 Ah-ha. They... they've nearly finished the oceans. 1311 01:26:02,533 --> 01:26:03,868 [Ford] Zaphod. 1312 01:26:03,951 --> 01:26:05,953 Here, it's... 1313 01:26:08,456 --> 01:26:11,542 It's just like Humma said. 1314 01:26:11,584 --> 01:26:14,211 - Now you can go get your head back. - Hey, Ford. 1315 01:26:14,295 --> 01:26:16,756 It's been nice knowing you, you zarking frood. 1316 01:26:16,839 --> 01:26:17,882 - No! - [gun blast] 1317 01:26:17,923 --> 01:26:20,217 - Whoa! - This is a bust too. 1318 01:26:20,301 --> 01:26:25,890 H... H... Hey, man. You know, you must really be frustrated. 1319 01:26:25,973 --> 01:26:28,893 You go through all you have, you don't get an answer, 1320 01:26:28,976 --> 01:26:31,604 which means no money or fame, which you deserve... 1321 01:26:31,687 --> 01:26:34,273 [Guide] The Point-of-View Gun, conveniently, 1322 01:26:34,398 --> 01:26:36,776 does precisely what its name suggests. 1323 01:26:36,901 --> 01:26:39,445 Fantastic. Fantastic. Fantastic. 1324 01:26:40,529 --> 01:26:43,491 [Guide] If you point it at someone and pull the trigger, 1325 01:26:43,616 --> 01:26:46,243 they instantly see things from your point of view. 1326 01:26:46,327 --> 01:26:48,287 Give me that thing. 1327 01:26:48,412 --> 01:26:50,372 It was designed by Deep Thought, 1328 01:26:50,456 --> 01:26:54,335 but commissioned by a consortium of intergalactic angry housewives 1329 01:26:54,418 --> 01:26:56,504 who, after arguments with their husbands, 1330 01:26:56,587 --> 01:27:00,299 were sick to the teeth of ending those arguments with the phrase, 1331 01:27:00,424 --> 01:27:02,468 "You just don't get it, do you?" 1332 01:27:02,551 --> 01:27:03,636 [blast] 1333 01:27:03,719 --> 01:27:07,556 Uh, uh, and you're right, I shouldn't be so upset 1334 01:27:07,640 --> 01:27:09,892 because life goes on, you know, 1335 01:27:09,975 --> 01:27:12,770 and I should just go on with it. 1336 01:27:12,812 --> 01:27:15,147 Shoot him again. 1337 01:27:15,189 --> 01:27:17,191 - [Zaphod] Whoa. - [blast] 1338 01:27:18,442 --> 01:27:22,196 Hitchhiking's good. Towels are good too. 1339 01:27:22,279 --> 01:27:25,616 - [Zaphod] Say what? - That is brilliant. 1340 01:27:25,658 --> 01:27:27,743 [Zaphod] What's goin'...? 1341 01:27:27,827 --> 01:27:30,621 I can see why Humma Kavula would want one of these. 1342 01:27:31,831 --> 01:27:34,583 - We better get back. Arthur's waiting. - Who cares? 1343 01:27:34,667 --> 01:27:39,213 I do. Especially since we're somewhat of an endangered species, thanks to you. 1344 01:27:39,296 --> 01:27:41,423 [Zaphod] Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax. 1345 01:27:41,549 --> 01:27:44,343 - You wanna know why I'm edgy? - [gun] 1346 01:27:44,426 --> 01:27:48,347 Argh. Of course you're edgy. Your planet's been blown up 1347 01:27:48,472 --> 01:27:52,101 and you've been tooling around with the guy who signed the order. 1348 01:27:52,184 --> 01:27:53,727 Huh? 1349 01:27:53,811 --> 01:27:56,605 Ugh! You actually wanted to know the question 1350 01:27:56,689 --> 01:27:59,567 because you always wondered if there was more to life 1351 01:27:59,650 --> 01:28:03,529 and now you're crushed because you find out there really isn't. 1352 01:28:03,612 --> 01:28:08,159 Hey, fantastic. [laughs] Psychedelic. 1353 01:28:08,200 --> 01:28:09,869 [fires again] 1354 01:28:09,952 --> 01:28:13,706 You've got no home, no family, and you're stuck with me, 1355 01:28:13,831 --> 01:28:17,459 another in a long line of men who doesn't really get you. 1356 01:28:17,543 --> 01:28:21,172 Huh? That's not true. 1357 01:28:21,839 --> 01:28:24,508 [fires twice more] 1358 01:28:24,550 --> 01:28:28,971 And you're worried you might have blown it with the one guy who really does. 1359 01:28:30,681 --> 01:28:32,474 Hey, whoops. 1360 01:28:34,560 --> 01:28:37,229 Oh, baby doll. 1361 01:28:37,313 --> 01:28:40,691 Give me that thing. 1362 01:28:42,109 --> 01:28:46,405 [sighs] It won't affect me. I'm already a woman. 1363 01:28:46,447 --> 01:28:47,990 [boom] 1364 01:28:48,073 --> 01:28:51,243 [rumble of grating stone] 1365 01:28:57,499 --> 01:28:59,793 It's OK. It's only a couple of little mice! 1366 01:28:59,877 --> 01:29:03,422 [huge rumbling] 1367 01:29:03,547 --> 01:29:07,051 [Slartibartfast] Voilà! Himalayas. Good, eh? 1368 01:29:10,512 --> 01:29:12,890 Earthman, you must realize 1369 01:29:12,973 --> 01:29:14,475 that the planet you lived on 1370 01:29:14,558 --> 01:29:19,521 was commissioned, paid for and run by mice. 1371 01:29:22,274 --> 01:29:25,611 When you say mice, do you mean the little furry white creatures 1372 01:29:25,653 --> 01:29:27,571 with whiskers, ears, cheese? 1373 01:29:27,655 --> 01:29:32,743 Yeah, but they're protrusions into our dimension of hyper-intelligent beings. 1374 01:29:32,785 --> 01:29:36,288 I don't know this cheese of which you speak, 1375 01:29:36,413 --> 01:29:40,125 but they were there on Earth as mice experimenting on you. 1376 01:29:40,251 --> 01:29:45,130 I see where you've become confused now. You see, we were experimenting on them. 1377 01:29:45,256 --> 01:29:49,134 Ah, no, well, yeah, no. That's what they wanted you to think, 1378 01:29:49,176 --> 01:29:53,138 but you were actually elements in their computer program. 1379 01:29:54,848 --> 01:29:57,309 [Arthur] Actually, this explains a lot. 1380 01:29:57,434 --> 01:30:00,062 All my life, I've had this strange feeling 1381 01:30:00,145 --> 01:30:03,148 there's something big and sinister going on in the world. 1382 01:30:03,274 --> 01:30:06,986 No, that's normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that. 1383 01:30:07,111 --> 01:30:09,613 [boom] 1384 01:30:10,322 --> 01:30:13,867 Perhaps I'm old and tired, but the chances of finding out 1385 01:30:13,951 --> 01:30:16,662 what's actually going on are so absurdly remote 1386 01:30:16,745 --> 01:30:20,833 that the only thing to do is say hang the sense of it and keep yourself busy. 1387 01:30:20,958 --> 01:30:23,377 I'd much rather be happy than right any day. 1388 01:30:23,502 --> 01:30:25,462 - And are you? - Uh... no. 1389 01:30:25,546 --> 01:30:28,215 [laughs] That's where it all falls down, of course. 1390 01:30:39,518 --> 01:30:41,603 Here you are then. 1391 01:30:56,118 --> 01:30:57,745 Is this...? 1392 01:31:11,717 --> 01:31:14,011 It's, um... It's all there. 1393 01:31:15,137 --> 01:31:17,389 You know, it all works. 1394 01:31:17,473 --> 01:31:19,558 Welcome home. 1395 01:31:36,283 --> 01:31:38,243 [all cheer] 1396 01:31:39,078 --> 01:31:41,413 - Hey! - Hey, man! 1397 01:31:41,538 --> 01:31:43,624 - There you are! - Surprise! 1398 01:31:43,707 --> 01:31:46,627 What are you doing? What happened to you? 1399 01:31:46,752 --> 01:31:48,253 Is that tea? 1400 01:31:48,295 --> 01:31:52,633 - First, our hosts attacked us. - Right. 1401 01:31:52,716 --> 01:31:56,220 But then they made up for it by making us... 1402 01:31:56,261 --> 01:31:58,597 [tearfully] ...this amazing meal. 1403 01:31:59,598 --> 01:32:02,810 It's so... Everything's right. Everything's delicious. 1404 01:32:04,436 --> 01:32:07,106 Oh, come on, that's lovely. 1405 01:32:07,189 --> 01:32:09,441 We're glad you like it, Earth creature. 1406 01:32:13,654 --> 01:32:18,325 [chuckles nervously] The, um, talking... talking mice. Cool. 1407 01:32:18,450 --> 01:32:23,580 - Sit, Earthman. - Oh, thank you. Thank you for that. 1408 01:32:24,540 --> 01:32:27,960 - Please, drink. - Um, uh, excuse me. 1409 01:32:28,085 --> 01:32:31,463 - Uh, is there anything else? - No, we're quite happy, thank you. 1410 01:32:31,547 --> 01:32:35,300 Um, good, I'll be outside, so... 1411 01:32:35,342 --> 01:32:37,594 You were right. 1412 01:32:37,636 --> 01:32:39,471 - [mouse] Please, drink. - Yes. 1413 01:32:40,139 --> 01:32:42,057 He was right. 1414 01:32:42,182 --> 01:32:44,017 Now, to business. 1415 01:32:44,101 --> 01:32:45,936 [both] To business! 1416 01:32:45,978 --> 01:32:47,312 [firmly] Eat! 1417 01:32:47,396 --> 01:32:49,148 - Shh. - Sorry. 1418 01:32:49,273 --> 01:32:51,775 [Mouse] We've spent a lot of time on your planet 1419 01:32:51,817 --> 01:32:53,819 looking for this ultimate question. 1420 01:32:53,902 --> 01:32:57,489 Only to have it blow up in our faces. Literally. 1421 01:32:57,531 --> 01:33:01,076 Which is why you're here. We've been offered a lucrative contract 1422 01:33:01,160 --> 01:33:03,162 to do several 5-D TV chat shows. 1423 01:33:03,245 --> 01:33:05,831 But here's the point. We must have product. 1424 01:33:05,914 --> 01:33:09,126 We need the ultimate question, or one that sounds ultimate. 1425 01:33:09,209 --> 01:33:11,295 - Of course. - We've rebuilt the planet. 1426 01:33:11,336 --> 01:33:14,506 Now all we need is the missing piece of the puzzle. 1427 01:33:14,590 --> 01:33:16,800 - Which happens to be your brain. - Right. 1428 01:33:16,842 --> 01:33:18,177 [Mouse] More tea? 1429 01:33:18,260 --> 01:33:21,013 Sorry, did you just say you need my brain? 1430 01:33:21,054 --> 01:33:23,348 Yes, to complete the program. 1431 01:33:26,310 --> 01:33:29,021 You can't have my brain. I'm using it. 1432 01:33:29,146 --> 01:33:33,984 - Hardly. - Hardly? Cheeky... Cheeky mouse. 1433 01:33:38,447 --> 01:33:41,033 Zaphod! Trillian! 1434 01:33:41,116 --> 01:33:43,410 - [whirring] - Ford. 1435 01:33:43,494 --> 01:33:44,995 What was in that food? 1436 01:33:45,078 --> 01:33:48,832 What was in my tea? 1437 01:33:48,874 --> 01:33:51,502 Don't worry. You won't feel a thing. 1438 01:33:51,585 --> 01:33:54,838 [grunts and whimpers] 1439 01:33:54,922 --> 01:33:56,965 Just wait a sodding minute. 1440 01:33:57,090 --> 01:33:59,635 You want a question that goes with the answer 42? 1441 01:33:59,718 --> 01:34:01,386 What about, what's 6x7? 1442 01:34:01,470 --> 01:34:05,057 Or, um, uh, how many Vogons does it take to change a light bulb? 1443 01:34:05,098 --> 01:34:08,894 Here's one: how many roads must a man walk down? 1444 01:34:10,270 --> 01:34:12,231 Hey, that's not bad. 1445 01:34:12,356 --> 01:34:14,024 Fine. 1446 01:34:15,025 --> 01:34:18,737 Fine, take it, 'cause my head is filled with questions, 1447 01:34:18,862 --> 01:34:21,073 and no answer to any one of them 1448 01:34:21,198 --> 01:34:24,826 has ever brought me one iota of happiness. 1449 01:34:24,910 --> 01:34:26,495 Except for one. 1450 01:34:26,578 --> 01:34:29,540 The one. The only question I've ever wanted an answer to. 1451 01:34:29,581 --> 01:34:31,250 Is she the one? 1452 01:34:32,292 --> 01:34:35,754 The answer bloody well isn't 42, it's yes. 1453 01:34:35,837 --> 01:34:41,385 Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly, yes. 1454 01:34:41,426 --> 01:34:44,346 And for one week, 1455 01:34:44,429 --> 01:34:49,226 one week in my sad little... blip of an existence... 1456 01:34:51,520 --> 01:34:53,981 ...it made me happy. 1457 01:34:55,691 --> 01:34:57,109 That's a good answer. 1458 01:34:57,234 --> 01:35:00,445 [mouse] We don't want to be happy. We want to be famous. 1459 01:35:00,487 --> 01:35:04,199 - What's this "is she the one?" tripe? - Take his brain! 1460 01:35:04,283 --> 01:35:07,452 No, don't take the brain! Don't take the brain, mice! 1461 01:35:07,578 --> 01:35:10,539 [grunts] 1462 01:35:13,458 --> 01:35:14,793 [screams] 1463 01:35:16,587 --> 01:35:18,213 - [screams] - It wasn't me! 1464 01:35:18,297 --> 01:35:20,173 - [gibbers] - [Zaphod] I'm famous. 1465 01:35:20,257 --> 01:35:22,634 Shoot him, quickly, shoot him! 1466 01:35:22,718 --> 01:35:24,177 Oh, bollocks! 1467 01:35:24,303 --> 01:35:25,804 Agghh! 1468 01:35:33,228 --> 01:35:34,730 I'm gonna be sick. 1469 01:35:37,524 --> 01:35:38,984 [coughs] Belgium. 1470 01:35:39,067 --> 01:35:42,321 [voices] 1471 01:35:42,362 --> 01:35:45,282 [vibrations] 1472 01:35:48,160 --> 01:35:49,620 Follow me. 1473 01:35:50,245 --> 01:35:52,789 [Vogons] Left, right, left, right. 1474 01:35:52,873 --> 01:35:55,375 Attention! 1475 01:35:58,837 --> 01:36:01,840 [Marvin] Thanks a lot for leaving me behind. 1476 01:36:01,923 --> 01:36:04,176 Though I can't say I blame you. 1477 01:36:04,259 --> 01:36:07,971 Mr. President, we're here for your protection. 1478 01:36:08,013 --> 01:36:10,349 Thanks, man. I appreciate it. 1479 01:36:10,474 --> 01:36:11,808 Fire! 1480 01:36:13,602 --> 01:36:15,228 No! No! 1481 01:36:18,273 --> 01:36:20,359 [Marvin] What's all the fuss about? 1482 01:36:20,484 --> 01:36:23,320 Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy. Ooh. 1483 01:36:23,362 --> 01:36:28,533 - For God's sake, stop! - Cease fire. 1484 01:36:35,165 --> 01:36:39,670 Now I've got a headache... headache... headache... 1485 01:36:47,886 --> 01:36:49,846 Marvin! 1486 01:36:49,930 --> 01:36:51,223 [Zaphod] Oh, no. 1487 01:36:51,264 --> 01:36:56,728 - [Ford's battle shriek] - He's got a towel, run away! 1488 01:36:58,939 --> 01:37:01,900 I'm gonna get us outta here. How do you drive this thing? 1489 01:37:05,737 --> 01:37:08,824 We need that gun. 1490 01:37:08,907 --> 01:37:11,827 Come on. Get this ship started. Come on. Start! 1491 01:37:12,911 --> 01:37:14,955 Come on. Oh, fire, fire! 1492 01:37:15,080 --> 01:37:16,415 Fire, fire! 1493 01:37:17,416 --> 01:37:19,626 [Arthur] Oo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo! 1494 01:37:21,002 --> 01:37:23,255 [Vogon] He's locked it from the other side. 1495 01:37:23,338 --> 01:37:25,465 We'll have to go the other way. 1496 01:37:25,590 --> 01:37:27,509 Come on, let's go! 1497 01:37:30,262 --> 01:37:31,304 [shouts] 1498 01:37:32,806 --> 01:37:35,308 Stop! 1499 01:37:37,561 --> 01:37:39,604 [Arthur] Oh, no! 1500 01:37:41,356 --> 01:37:45,485 [Zaphod] Stop it! Stop it! Stop shooting at us! 1501 01:38:01,918 --> 01:38:04,463 [shooting stops] 1502 01:38:04,588 --> 01:38:08,258 Oh, I feel so depressed. 1503 01:38:08,300 --> 01:38:09,509 [Vogons groan] 1504 01:38:09,634 --> 01:38:14,598 I can't face another day. 1505 01:38:16,475 --> 01:38:18,268 What's the point? 1506 01:38:26,318 --> 01:38:28,570 - You all right? - Yeah. 1507 01:38:34,284 --> 01:38:37,162 Sorry about your spaceship, Arthur. 1508 01:38:37,204 --> 01:38:40,499 [Vogons groaning] 1509 01:38:42,667 --> 01:38:44,920 Marvin, you saved our lives. 1510 01:38:45,003 --> 01:38:48,256 I know. Wretched, isn't it? 1511 01:38:48,340 --> 01:38:51,510 [Vogons moaning] 1512 01:38:53,720 --> 01:38:56,765 You got to ask yourself, what's the point? 1513 01:38:56,890 --> 01:38:59,643 [workman] Take it away. 1514 01:39:06,942 --> 01:39:10,028 You could do all of that, but it's not gonna... Well, I'll ask... 1515 01:39:10,111 --> 01:39:12,489 I'll just ask. 1516 01:39:12,572 --> 01:39:16,368 I... I... I've just been informed by some of the lads 1517 01:39:16,493 --> 01:39:18,912 that since we're so near completion, 1518 01:39:18,995 --> 01:39:21,373 we're gonna go ahead and finish Earth. 1519 01:39:21,456 --> 01:39:22,999 Oh. 1520 01:39:23,083 --> 01:39:27,128 We... well, we can put it back exactly as it was when you left, you know. 1521 01:39:27,212 --> 01:39:30,549 Unless there's, um... 1522 01:39:30,674 --> 01:39:34,177 There's, you know, anything you want to change. 1523 01:39:36,304 --> 01:39:41,601 Something you think your planet could do without. 1524 01:39:43,061 --> 01:39:46,356 Yeah. Me. 1525 01:39:46,815 --> 01:39:49,067 Oh! Um, hello? 1526 01:39:49,150 --> 01:39:52,863 No, as is. Yep, leave it. Yep. 1527 01:39:54,823 --> 01:39:56,408 Let's go somewhere. 1528 01:39:56,491 --> 01:39:59,077 Definitely. Where did you have in mind? 1529 01:39:59,202 --> 01:40:02,414 I know this great restaurant at the end of the universe. 1530 01:40:02,539 --> 01:40:05,584 I am a little peckish. 1531 01:40:07,586 --> 01:40:10,380 I need to go to Humma's. He's got something of mine. 1532 01:40:10,463 --> 01:40:16,094 - I think. I'm so confused. - Don't worry, baby. We'll sort it out. 1533 01:40:16,177 --> 01:40:19,806 All right, let's trip the light fantastic, baby. Just you and me. 1534 01:40:19,931 --> 01:40:21,766 Come on. 1535 01:40:21,850 --> 01:40:25,937 - You got your towel? - Yeah. Why? Am I going to need it? 1536 01:40:26,021 --> 01:40:29,441 - Only always. - Right. Yeah. 1537 01:40:29,566 --> 01:40:33,486 I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel. 1538 01:40:38,575 --> 01:40:41,453 OK. Hold tight. 1539 01:40:44,956 --> 01:40:50,170 [speaker] Stand by for commencement of life cycle. In three, two, one... 1540 01:40:50,253 --> 01:40:53,798 [Zaphod] All right! Whoo! 1541 01:41:36,341 --> 01:41:38,677 [Marvin] Not that anyone cares what I say, 1542 01:41:38,718 --> 01:41:41,972 but the restaurant is at the other end of the universe. 1543 01:41:42,013 --> 01:41:43,431 [brakes screech] 1544 01:41:44,182 --> 01:41:46,267 [accelerating engines] 1545 01:41:47,477 --> 01:41:48,687 [boom] 1546 01:42:10,917 --> 01:42:14,587 ♪ So long and thanks for all the fish 1547 01:42:14,713 --> 01:42:18,800 ♪ So sad that it should come to this 1548 01:42:18,883 --> 01:42:23,722 ♪ We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear 1549 01:42:26,725 --> 01:42:30,770 ♪ You may not share our intellect 1550 01:42:30,895 --> 01:42:34,733 ♪ Which might explain your disrespect 1551 01:42:34,858 --> 01:42:37,652 ♪ For all the natural wonders 1552 01:42:37,736 --> 01:42:42,240 ♪ That grow around you 1553 01:42:42,365 --> 01:42:47,287 ♪ So long, so long and thanks for all the fish 1554 01:42:54,919 --> 01:42:58,798 ♪ The world's about to be destroyed 1555 01:42:58,923 --> 01:43:02,761 ♪ There's no point getting all annoyed 1556 01:43:02,802 --> 01:43:08,808 ♪ Lie back and let the planet dissolve 1557 01:43:10,810 --> 01:43:14,773 ♪ Despite those nets of tuna fleets 1558 01:43:14,898 --> 01:43:18,777 ♪ We thought that most of you were sweet 1559 01:43:18,860 --> 01:43:21,529 ♪ Especially tiny tots 1560 01:43:21,613 --> 01:43:26,201 ♪ And your pregnant women 1561 01:43:26,284 --> 01:43:30,246 ♪ So long, so long so long, so long, so long 1562 01:43:34,334 --> 01:43:39,339 ♪ So long, so long and thanks for all the fish 1563 01:43:45,178 --> 01:43:46,471 Yeah! 1564 01:43:57,649 --> 01:43:59,067 Play it! 1565 01:44:02,654 --> 01:44:06,783 ♪ So long and thanks for all the fish 1566 01:44:06,825 --> 01:44:10,829 ♪ So sad that it should come to this 1567 01:44:10,912 --> 01:44:16,918 ♪ We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear 1568 01:44:17,001 --> 01:44:18,670 ♪ Oh, dear 1569 01:44:18,795 --> 01:44:22,715 ♪ Despite those nets of tuna fleets 1570 01:44:22,841 --> 01:44:26,845 ♪ We thought that most of you were sweet 1571 01:44:26,928 --> 01:44:29,514 ♪ Especially tiny tots 1572 01:44:29,597 --> 01:44:34,227 ♪ And your pregnant women 1573 01:44:34,310 --> 01:44:38,231 ♪ So long, so long so long, so long, so long 1574 01:44:38,356 --> 01:44:42,193 ♪ So long, so long so long, so long, so long 1575 01:44:42,277 --> 01:44:48,283 ♪ So long, so long and thanks for all the fish 1576 01:44:51,202 --> 01:44:53,830 ♪ For all the fish ♪ 1577 01:44:57,333 --> 01:45:01,546 [Guide] It is, of course, well known that careless talk costs lives. 1578 01:45:01,671 --> 01:45:04,757 But the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated. 1579 01:45:04,883 --> 01:45:08,511 For instance, at the very moment that Arthur Dent said, 1580 01:45:08,595 --> 01:45:12,182 "I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel", 1581 01:45:12,223 --> 01:45:16,853 a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum 1582 01:45:16,895 --> 01:45:20,398 and carried his words far, far back in time, 1583 01:45:20,481 --> 01:45:24,569 across almost infinite reaches of space, to a distant galaxy 1584 01:45:24,611 --> 01:45:28,323 where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink 1585 01:45:28,406 --> 01:45:30,909 of frightful interstellar battle. 1586 01:45:30,950 --> 01:45:35,538 The two opposing leaders, resplendent in their black-jeweled battle shorts 1587 01:45:35,580 --> 01:45:37,624 were meeting for the last time, 1588 01:45:37,749 --> 01:45:40,543 when a dreadful silence fell. 1589 01:45:40,585 --> 01:45:42,587 And at that very moment, 1590 01:45:42,670 --> 01:45:46,674 the words "I wouldn't want to go anywhere without my wonderful towel" 1591 01:45:46,799 --> 01:45:49,761 drifted across the conference table. 1592 01:45:49,844 --> 01:45:52,555 Unfortunately, in their native tongue, 1593 01:45:52,597 --> 01:45:55,600 this was the most appalling insult imaginable. 1594 01:45:55,725 --> 01:45:57,352 So the opposing battle fleets 1595 01:45:57,435 --> 01:46:00,021 decided to settle their remaining differences, 1596 01:46:00,104 --> 01:46:03,483 in order to launch a joint attack on our galaxy, 1597 01:46:03,608 --> 01:46:07,695 now positively identified as the source of the offending remark. 1598 01:46:07,779 --> 01:46:11,032 For thousands of years, the mighty starships tore across 1599 01:46:11,157 --> 01:46:16,621 the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming onto the planet Earth, 1600 01:46:16,663 --> 01:46:20,708 where, due to a terrible miscalculation of scale, 1601 01:46:20,792 --> 01:46:25,630 the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog. 1602 01:46:25,713 --> 01:46:29,300 Those who study the complex interplay of cause and effect 1603 01:46:29,425 --> 01:46:31,135 in the history of the universe 1604 01:46:31,261 --> 01:46:35,807 say that this sort of thing is going on all the time.